Saturday, July 19, 2008

what to do?

Column three, at your service

In case you’ve missed it, here’s a quick summary of the story so far.
Boy meets girl. Boy and girl together six years. Boy and girl break up. Girl lost.

Just to clarify, by ‘lost’, it’s not that am lost without a boyfriend. I know girls like that and they need a good slap. They are also likely, in my humble opinion, to be the girls who end up settling for a husband because they feel they’re running out of time and, as a result, not being as happy as they truly could and should be.

Instead, I guess I am lost in an ocean of options. For the first time in six years I get to make an utterly selfish decision. I get to make my next step based on exactly what I want to do and need not consider anyone in the thought process.

First thought, run. Run as far away as you can. And I am seriously contemplating it. I have long been jealous of my globetrotting mates so, why not?

It’s certainly the right time. I don’t have anyone keeping me here and I am certainly not sticking around for my job.

My career took a major shake up as a result of my relationship breakdown. Under normal circumstances, the two wouldn’t be related but, lucky me, I worked with my ex. Anyway, for the sake of our relationship and my sanity, I decided to ‘do the right thing’ and move on.

I went from sports writing, my dream career since I was 15, at a daily paper to council reporting at a weekly, community rag in the space of a week. Adding to my separation with the ex, I was now professionally heartbroken. Even writing about writing about the council makes me fall asl….zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

In journalism, it’s not enough to be a talented writer. You have to care about what you’re reporting because apathy is transparent. But tell me, how am I supposed to get excited about a new set of traffic lights, a petition against a perfectly reasonable development application, or a resident whinging about the perceived global conspiracy of fading shop-a-dockets?

I can’t do it anymore. I don’t care. There needs to be more to my life than a career. No longer do I want to throw “not much, just working” at friends who ask what I’ve been up to lately. One day my husband and kids will be my life, and I look forward to that time, but what about now?

What to do, what to do? It’s a question which, for me right now, had endless answers. That’s both scary and exciting. Any suggestions?

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