Wednesday, April 29, 2009

a kind-of promise of things to come

i have a very, very tentative plan to document some pretty damn personal stuff here over the next...i don't know...indefinite period of time. i don't know why i am inclined to do such a thing. i mean, i know what my inspiration is but i am not sure why i think publishing the process for every tom, dick and blase* to read is the right solution. or 'a' right solution.

regardless, i am going to try. see what happens. in the process, i will remember two pieces of advice. one from siamese saffron who, among other wise words, commented blogging was 'cheaper than therapy' (and god knows there's a hell of a lot of things i'd rather spend my money on than some guy who nods his head while i cry. although i am still going to pay some guy to nod his head while i cry. see how it pans out). the other (piece of advice - in case you'd forgotten after my bracketed super tangent) comes from some random blogger who says 'blog like nobody's reading'. i am not blind to the fact that is hugely cheesy and a complete rip-off of the old 'dance like nobody's watching' phrase, but if it helps, i'll take it.

first though, my disclaimer. this decision may lead to epic failure. i mean, i am working on the new and improved** me with gusto. you should see me go. and i promise i will stop at nothing to achieve what i set out to. and, for the first time (in this context), i believe in myself so yay for confidence. but in terms of using my blog to aid this process, i am not sure it's going to work for me. time will tell.

before i collect my prize for world's longest introduction, i will finish this entry which, until i got my ramble on, was going to be brief. it was also going to be a very non-personal start to my personal promise. one from two. deal with it.

so, there's this game my wonderful, fantastic, admirable, loyal, hilarious (all the good things, none of the bad) friend clare told me about. it's done the facebook rounds although i never saw it. you're meant to google search the word 'unfortunately' followed by your first name.

i always find the time to do this kind of crap. i am not ashamed.

the first couple of returns just linked to blog entries, like this one, of kates playing the same game. skipping those, my results were:
  • Unfortunately, Kate's globe-trotting is restricted because she starves when abroad, and
  • Unfortunately, Kate carries ALL OF HER WEIGHT in her ass.
wtf? google knows too much. anyway, not one to dwell on the size of my arse (pfffffffft), i decided, for the sake of the new-me quest, i would search 'thankfully kate' as well. now, i gotta say, i think just the fact i had that idea says something. enough self-praise. the results:
  • Thankfully, Kate has better luck with men in the real world, and
  • Thankfully, Kate was incredibly patient.

now, for reasons i will not disclose yet (or possibly ever) that resonated a freaking lot with me. patience is a virtue. thank you athena destiny starwoman.

*to be explained in a future entry.
**new and improved. contradiction. new or improved. can't be both. i'm going for improved. i like some parts of me. i'll keep them.

Monday, April 27, 2009


This was going to solve everything. I was so sure. Jump on a plan. Travel the world. Go it alone. Independence. Emancipation. Fixed.

I’m a pretty smart girl but shees I am dumb sometimes.

As if this could have been a miracle cure to an almost-lifetime of hurt. As if there is a miracle cure.

This will take a lot of hard work. The hard work started on April 21. I have found my inspiration.

This will not break me. It will change me. I will be better than okay. I will be happy.

(and next time I blog, maybe – just maybe – I will be less cryptic)

Thursday, April 23, 2009

can't blog. depressed...

...but will be back when everything's sunshine, lollipops and rainbows again.

"nothing worth having in
this world comes easy"

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

actually, we're practically empty

many moons ago, i intended to bring this to your attention. i let it slip my mind, as i do many things, but recent events have brought it back to the fore.

yesterday, i was shocked to be sent a facebook invitation to join a group called "fuck off, we're full".

in this case, we refers to australia. some may call it patriotic. i call it blatant racism and complete ignorance.

fuck you. you're racist. and you can't spell.

we are so far from full. as far as population density goes, we are 232nd on the list. 232nd on a list that only runs to 238. no, i do not store that kind of info. wikipedia rocks my world.

regardless though of whether or not we're full, who says you have more of a right to live in australia because you were born there? consider yourself lucky, not entitled. immigrants, emmigrants, refugees, asylum seekers: as a general rule, they probably contribute a whole lot more to our beautiful sunburnt country than most people who choose join such a bigoted crusade. and they have almost certainly worked harder.

argh. words fail me. rick's do not.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

can't we just watch america's next top model?

my housemates watch my name is earl. i don't really rate it but i'm not about to get off the couch and do something else now, am i?

it's fun though, when a show which rarely makes you laugh, makes you laugh out loud.

"drawstring came out of my tracksuit pants...
gunna be an all-nighter"

no one else seemed to find it as funny as me. why does that always happen?

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

i'm going to start blogging more....april fools

i've spent about 12 seconds this morning trying to think of something april fools-ish to put on camelshoes. trying to think of some fib i could tell that would trick you but also be really, really funny. it must be a particularly uncreative morn. the only pathetic thing that crossed my mind was to announce i was 'duffed' but that story would have been full of holes. firstly, i'm not getting any. secondly, i'm from wagga and therefore waaaaaaaaaay to old to get pregnant.

anyway, i got to thinking (carrie bradshaw much) about pranks gone by. there are a few which spring to mind. i will document them here.

we had the most pathetic muck-up day. we had grand plans but our principal, who was new at our school, was a bit of a prick and threatened to withhold the graduation certificates of anyone who took part. so we turned up, threw a few eggs, then ran away and turned on each other. yes, rebellious. we did, however, leave our mark. mark being the operative word. a young mark 'surname' returned to school that eve - with an accomplice or two from memory - roundup in hand. the result was the word PORNSTAR, complete with 'cock and balls', burnt into the top oval. it was brilliant.

zac is my buddy from camp quality. he's a delightful 10-year-old who sports a glass eye. i smile just thinking about zac, tom and harry - the three best buds who i had the pleasure of hanging out with during my time with camp quality in north queensland. zac has spare glass eyes. i don't know how it works. perhaps you have to change daily? perhaps it's just a backup in case of a freak gasoline fight accident? regardless, there are spares. on my first camp, the boys were already veterans and delighted in showing me the ropes. pranks were mandatory. last year, said harry, they put fake spiders in people's beds. the laughter as they reminisced was contagious. this year, the boys were upping the ante. one afternoon, zac sneaked into the camp manager's room and strategically placed a glass eye on her pillow. the boys' anticipation was priceless. the manager's reaction (although highly exaggerated for the benefit of the gag) had them in fits of delight. each camp that followed, zac would seek me out upon arrival, grinning from ear to ear, to inform me he had come prepared to repeat the prank. it made me laugh every time. i hope they're still doing it.

i have a million nicknames. one of them is vjacka. this is the fault of three friends. boys. evil. heading home from a party, we asked the cab driver to pull up short of our destination. i think we were out of money. i don't know. as we were walking the rest of the way, i needed to wee. i always need to wee on the way home from a drinking sesh. it's my trademark. so, the boys walked ahead while i peed behind a wheelie bin. just as i was done, a car came around the corner and scared me. i tripped on the gutter. fell to the ground and knocked myself out. pants still around ankles! i spent the night in hospital. concussion. they boys picked me up in the morning. i remembered nothing. they took pleasure in relaying the story. i was mortified. rusty had had to pull up my pants, apparently. argh. we returned to university where we all lived on campus. i went to bed, still a little sore and dizzy. the boys went about spreading the word. by time i woke up, my new nickname was vjacka. eight months later my plight was rewarded with an 'outstanding achievement in the field of excellence' award. the boys took the stage to retell the story. "but there's one thing we left out of the original version," they announced. i felt sick. what had i done? what were they about to spill in front of 100-or-so of our 'closest' friends. "it never actually happened". what? turns out i did pee behind a wheelie bin. but there was no car. i successfully pulled up my own pants. i ran to catch up with the boys and launched myself on tom for a piggy back. it didn't stick. i fell to the ground and knocked myself out. so the real story begins. the nickname has stuck. i don't mind. in fact, after eight months coming to terms with the fact the boys had seen my 'vjacka', i was almost disappointed the story wasn't true. almost.
Related Posts with Thumbnails