Friday, May 8, 2009

tears, boobs and peanut butter

011 I have never broken any bones. Every time I share that with someone I am scared I am tempting fate. The first time I was stung by a bee was the same day spoke about never being stung by a bee. I discovered my suitcase stolen minutes after saying ‘imagine if someone broke into your car and stole my suitcase’.

012 Despite my mum’s orders to the contrary, I used to secretly read in the dark. I reeeeally wanted glasses. I still pass eye tests with flying colours.

013 I shed a few last night while reading the final pages of A Thousand Splendid Suns. From memory, it’s only the second book which has caused such a reaction. The first was Jessica about 10 years ago. In contrast, when it comes to the screen, big or small, I am pathetic. I cannot watch Oprah without crying.

014 I am not particularly fussy with food but there are a few exceptions. Keep me away from beetroot (tastes like dirt), baby corn (tastes like feet) and olives (taste like ewww). I have eaten kangaroo twice and enjoyed it on both occasions, but spent both nights alternating between lying on the bathroom floor and throwing up for Australia. I think that’s the weirdest thing. Can you be allergic to a meat?

015 Flat chested? Embrace it. I have been everything from an A cup to DD in my adult life and I can categorically say, having small boobs rocked my world. Well, not really – that sounds kind of pervy mcperv – but it was such a simple luxury. Clothes fit better and therefore look better. Bras are prettier in smaller sizes. The gym isn’t a two-bra nightmare. I want my B cup back.

016 I had a dream last night that Patrick Swayze signed up for the next season of Dancing with the Stars. He was to partner Pauline Hanson. I adore dreaming. It’s amazing how often I dream about events that are actually happening in my life, except with the usual dreamy randomness like flying or teeth falling out.

017 Before I even started writing this second instalment of 10…ahhhh…things, I had wondered whether it was, in fact, a really dumb idea. Firstly, I don’t know if I can be bothered doing this every Friday. Secondly, I seem to have committed to at least 10 weeks given the three digit bullets. Thirdly, I am scared of your judgement *raises elbows to demonstrate judgy dance*. Way too scared. It’s debilitating. It’s one of my greatest downfalls. I touched on it last Friday. I will mention it again. In fact there’s been a blog entry dedicated to the subject inside me for quite some time. Please consider this my reluctant promise to post that entry within five seven 10 14 days.

018 I am eating peanut butter off a spoon right now. I love PB so much I can’t buy it. A jar would be gone in three days. If I wasn’t already committed to marrying Tim Tam slams, I would wed peanut butter. Peanut butter Tim Tams – get on it, Arnott’s. There’s no substitute for super freakin’ awesome.

do not lick screen.

019 Nineteen in and are there already too many mentions of food? Sorry. I love food. I have eating bipolar. I am either really, really good or really, really bad. Right now, I guess the PB indicates bad.

020 I cannot watch anything with Nicolas Cage in it. Oh, that voice. That stupid, stupid voice...


Fiona said...

Ahhhhhh! Peanut butter Tim Tams! Why don't they exist?? They would be sex in a biscuit. Their creation would make people say: "That sex was a peanut butter Tim Tam in bed".

Siamese Saffron said...

1) I have never broken a bone either! Well, I might have broken my toe over the weekend, but isn't it too small to be called an actual bone?

2) I still really want glasses. My eyesight is still perfect. Oh cursed world.

3) I thought I was the only person in Australia who didn't like beetroot.

4) There's no reason to be scared of other people's judgements my dear. Chances are, people will hate you anyway, scared or not scared.
(I don't, though.)

5)Have you HEARD of Reese's Pieces Peanut Butter Cups? Although, Peanut Butter Tim Tams might be even more orgasmic.

jax said...

Reese's Pieces make me cry with delight.

Rick M said...

Reese's Pieces sounds like the title of a gay porno. And I have also never broken a bone in my body (what a club!) but that's because my first question about anything is: how can it hurt me?

Sass said...

Ummmm,i always dream about my teeth falling out and I've searched high and low for a definition in dream dictionaries. Any idea??? It freaks me out.

I always go to bed hoping I end up dreaming about flying...

Oh, I also frequently nightmare about dirty bathrooms. I have no idea why.

jax said...

i too have had teeth dreams. you may or may not want to check this link, sass...

i would have put this on your blog but i cannot comment on it - did you know that?

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