the tone on this blog has changed a few times over the past couple of months. i'm sure you've noticed.
i was sad for a bit. then angry. that stemmed from a certain 'thing' that i'll divulge at a later stage. then i was, i think, rational and driven. driven to ensure that 'thing' didn't become a wasted opportunity.
it has not been a wasted opportunity.
i am shocked at how quickly i have been able to pick myself up. shocked and stoked. i am not simply coping or perservering. i am content. happy. determined. it's rocking my world.
finding my inspiration was the first step. the next step was a random little statement. i am aware you didn't ask number 027.
dear world: i have anxiety depression.
before i published that fact on camelshoes, i could have counted on one hand the people who knew. and it's been lingering like a cranberry for four years. i was ashamed. i was embarrassed. and, to continue the reoccurring theme, i was scared of what other people might think.
now there is not a person in the world who isn't privy to the information i was once to determined to hide. when i published it, i was nervous but now, i honestly couldn't care less. it's been such a liberating admission and i am so, so glad to have let it out.
i don't feel judged at all. furthermore, i feel normal. i thought my diagnosis made me an outcast of sorts but i have very quickly come to realise depression, in some form or another, is almost a character trait of our generation.
that's a shame. certainly. but another character trait of our generation (please excuse the sweeping statements) is strength and determination. as a general rule, we're well equipped to deal with the pressure that's not only forced upon us, but that we place on ourselves.
we're multi-tasking our arses off and doing a damn good job.
anyway, i didn't mean to go off on that tangent. apologies. just wanted to give a little shout out to those reading for not making me regret those personal words to have shared.
my anxiety won't disappear just because i've 'owned up' to it. i know that. but i'm learning how to deal with it and that little accomplishment feels divine. it's amazing what a deep breath can do.