Friday, July 24, 2009

a different kind of writer's block

so, i have this work-in-progress blog post sitting in my drafts folder. it’s about two thirds finished i’d guess. and it says a hell of a lot. but it’s been sitting untouched for about 24 hours now because, like never before, i am second guessing whether uploading it on the www is what i want to do.

in a nutshell, the blog explains why i went through sad slash angry slash emancipating period three-ish months ago. it also, finally, divulges who these two life-changing encounters were with and how they went (amazingly well and quite well respectively, fyi).

so, i’m typing away. words are falling onto the screen with ease and i‘m happy to finally be getting it off my chest. early in the piece, i explain that the main reason the post had taken me so long to write was because it so heavily involved others. see, it’s all well and good for me to be (kind of) comfortable writing about my life on camelshoes but not so fair to take the same liberty with outsiders – regardless of how big a part of my life they are.

as the furious typing continued, i started to realise just how much i am letting go. i tried to write with caution but i was in a rhythm. i wasn’t thinking. just spilling. all of a sudden i had said a lot more than i’d intended.

the thing is, i could sit down with any one of my readers* – seriously, anyone of you – over a coffee or, more likely, a red wine, and tell you all about it. no holes. no editing. no problem. but online for the world to see? if it was all me, sure. or if the second party involved could remain anonymous, like here and here, fine. but, regardless of omitting names, there would be no secret who these people were. and although the post was ultimately positive, completely accurate and certainly not vindictive, it was still personal.

so, where’s the line? and when will i cease starting sentences with ‘so’? the answer to one of those questions is simple. never. the other? not so much.

i have gained so much from writing about my struggles, past and present, over the past few months. and i have never had such a positive response to my blog – from friends, acquaintances and strangers alike. plus, this period of my life has been hugely significant so i feel as though brushing over it on camelshoes wouldn’t do it (the blog or the story) justice. lastly, my best writing derives from honesty so i don’t really want to sensor myself.

but none of these things trump maintaining respect for the privacy of others.

what do you think? to post or not to post?

*that sounded so wanky


Siamese Saffron said...

POST. post, post. Always, when in doubt, post.

The words want you too.

Plus, I want to know, so I'm adequately prepared for our wine in a couple months.

c said...

Just reading your words feels like group therapy at times Kate Jacka.
As someone who isn't brave enough to be as honest as you have been here, it seems to me that your blogging experience has been both cathartic and comforting during an extremely difficult period. If it is helping you make progress then don’t stop mate.
My gut instinct would be to definitely post. But do so on your own terms, when you feel ready.
I'm confident that those directly involved would know that nothing you post here is intended to embarrass or offend and that you write so honestly on camelshoes because of your genuine concern about those involved, not in spite of it.

Stephanie said...

I agree with the first person ;)

If it's not a bad, vindictive post why not? Afterall, it's your blog!

Rick M said...

Kate, maestro that you are, whatever you write needs to be read. And putting what you feel down on paper os a massive purging experience to be sure, but there is something to be said for pulling down that curtain and showing the world.

No hiding, no excuses. I think it was a group of ground-grown tubers that said "I yam, what I yam."

Or not.

But ultimately your decision. I would dearly love to read whatever you post in the end because you rock.


doxysig: "Internet slang made up by professional typist instructors."

Pepe said...

i say post.

like that song goes "i don't wanna see a ghost, it's the sign that i hate most, rather have a piece of toast and read jax's post"...

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