i know why. and, as usual i am going to be super ambiguous to avoid offending anyone. firstly, i've been accused of doing something horrible. apparently this horrible thing happened 10 years ago. i have absolutely no recollection of said horrible thing. so i find myself in an anxiety-filled no man's land between 'delivering profuse and heartfelt apology' and 'flat out defence of self'.
it doesn't sound like something i would do. and that feeling has been backed up by a second accusee. but shit i doth feel and i am having trouble shaking it.
icky, unshakable feeling under sternum exacerbated by recent discovery that hard work produced by me has been criticised behind my back. now, i've got to say, the criticism is so damn insignificant - and, in my opinion, well off the mark - but since i was already feeling like a sad cardboard robot standing in the rain, it's not helped.
anyway, i'm all anxious and shit. for mine, anxiety is the worst feeling ever. seriously, i'd rather you stiletto my toe.
but here's the silver lining. i haven't felt anxious for ages. a-a-a-ages. it's taken today to realise that. so, even though things are currently sucking, at least i've been alerted to the fact that life's been treating me well. and (or perhaps "or") i am starting to gain some power over the previously debilitating bitch.
still, piss off dumb arse day.