Thursday, August 26, 2010

what would beyonce say?


before italy, the boy got asked a bunch of times whether this trip would be proposal time. some people didn't even bother asking, they just told him: "you'll get engaged over there".

no one said anything to me...until we got back.

"so, are you engaged?"..."where's the ring?"..."did he pop the question?"

i just find it odd. and it kind of makes me feel odd too. i mean, firstly, if i get engaged, i'm going to tell you, trust me. but secondly...i don't know...being asked kind of makes me feel like i am, in some way, falling short of some universal expectation.

and hey, i totally understand why people were guessing we'd return engaged. and there's nothing wrong with that. but must they ask?

even worse, those (and, in my experience they are aaaaalways 50-plus) who, once informed that no, we did not get engaged, proceed to hit the boy up about when he plans to pop the question, even suggesting (in jest, i understand) he's dragging the chain...while i am right there!

i can deal with it. we can deal with it. we are happy and content and that's what matters. it just surprises me that people think it's within the rules of courtesy to probe.

reasonable line of questioning or a social faux pas?
your thoughts?

10 comments:

PinkPatentMaryJanes said...

Oh, I HATED the questions. We had the same thing when we went to Paris - which really got me angry - because what if he was intending on proposing and then all these people would say, "I knew it..."

We didn't get married until after eight years of living together, one mortgage and one child - and I do think that part of the reason was all the annoying - when's it going to happen talk. It's also why we 'eloped' and were only married in front of our parents and child and had the reception a month later. I couldn't bear the thought of knowing nods and "about time" as I walked down the aisle!

I think it's just so very rude! Phew, rant over...

PinkPatentMaryJanes said...

Oh, I HATED the questions. We had the same thing when we went to Paris - which really got me angry - because what if he was intending on proposing and then all these people would say, "I knew it..."

We didn't get married until after eight years of living together, one mortgage and one child - and I do think that part of the reason was all the annoying - when's it going to happen talk. It's also why we 'eloped' and were only married in front of our parents and child and had the reception a month later. I couldn't bear the thought of knowing nods and "about time" as I walked down the aisle!

I think it's just so very rude! Phew, rant over...

MMBB said...

Some people do like to probe don't they. My partner was pushed into proposing by his mother, literally "Come on son we're buying a ring and you will propose tonight while I'm down visiting". And it was done.

What's worse than the "has he proposed yet?" it's the "When's the wedding??" question. We've been engaged for a few years now, and a Wedding is way down at the bottom of my to do list. But still, I get asked all.the.time. @_@

bananas. said...

welcome to my life! dave and i get asked alllll the time if we're engaged. we go to dinner..."are you engaged?" we go to hawaii..."are you engaged?" we like each other's statuses on facebook..."are you engaged?"

it's like get over people and mind ya own bizness!!!

Fiona said...

It is always the 'older' generation who do this, because they feel that our generation must follow the same timeline they did, not realising that with travel, careers and much improved (not sure if that's the right word) perspective on life that our generation now does things a little further down the track to them.

I think it's out of line to ask directly, because it's SO easy to find out that information without making you guys uncomfortable.

But every time you go away now people will be waiting your return with excitement. Which reminds me... You didn't get engaged on the weekend did you?

Angela said...

I hear ya! Someone even mentioned my (non-existent) engagement in a friends wedding speech, we were mortified!

Jaclyn said...

just found your blog and love it - why people feel the need to predict engagements while making the couple feel so uncomfortable is beyond me...

Cat said...

You know, this is one of those things that people should leave the HECK alone. People really shit me about what they expect peeps to do on their path of life. So, you're supposed to get engaged, married, buy a house, have a child, have another child and then live happily ever after? Cos that's been such a freakin' great recipe for success in their generation that spear-headed incredible divorce rates and have driven up property prices thanks to their spendthrift ways. So, yes, I think it's a social faux pas. Blah to them. You stay happy Ms Shoes 'kay? xxx

sorry, I know I get a bit ranty about these things but it's one thing that super bugs me.

kate said...

ranty is good. this post was a little more ranty but sometimes i get the 'who will i offend?' guilts and tone down before publishing.

glad i am not alone in the frustration. thanks team :)

Nell said...

I totally hear you! My husband and I have been together for ten years in October and we got married this May, so ever since we moved into our flat three years ago after uni, we had those questions. Very annoying, rude and hurtful - i felt sorry for my guy that he was being pressured. Thankfully he's the strong-willed type so popped the question when he, and we, were ready and not before. But the "it's about time" comments when we announced it, were pretty irritating...and i totally agree with the 'older' generation being the culprits observation!

ps - just found your blog and am hooked!! xx

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