camelshoes

and they all lived happily ever after

2011-03-24T09:30:00.001+11:00

today i turn 30. thirty! wow.

five years ago, 30 was old. today, 25 is scary.

not even the smallest part of me would want to be 25 again. when i was 25, i didn't even know who i was. oh yes, that ol' cliche. worse though than not knowing who i was, was the fact that i had no idea that i didn't know. and that meant i wasn't even trying to figure it out.

today, at 30, i still haven't figured it out. i actually don't think the puzzle will ever be entirely 'figured'. i don't think it's meant to be. but i guess i feel as though the fact i am consciously (but not obsessively) seeking the answer means that i have become the driver of my own life, rather than simply a passenger. win.

camelshoes has played such an important role in that development.

this blog never started as an outlet for such personal thoughts. and i am still not quite sure how it evolved in that direction but the benefits of the process were amazing.

i have changed so much during camelshoes' three years. so much. to try to explain how: i wouldn't even know where to start. i think the best part about the transition though is that i am entirely still myself. i am just a better version of her.

but i don't think camelshoes is the place for further progress.

for some time now, i've not felt as drawn to contributing to this space as i used to. there was a time when it would be second nature to bash out my thoughts here. not all of the time, but certainly often enough that camelshoes became a place for me to, among so many other things, clear my head (even if the words weren't always particularly clear).

more and more i have found myself posting simply because i felt obliged and not because i had anything i really wanted to say. significantly, one of the reasons for this is that i actually started saying these things to people's faces.

the real conversations i have today (at 30) make me realise how many superficial conversations i used to have (at, say, 25). the irony is, the 30-years-old conversations are with the same people, for the most part, that the 25-years-old conversations were. we've just grown up. and i like it.

although it has fallen into the trap from time to time, camelshoes isn't an i-did-this-on-the-weekend kind of blog. i just can't imagine why anyone would care what i did on the weekend. except my mum. hi mum.

plus, i figure that rather than spend time writing about my antics, i should just embrace them. stop writing about it and do it. live without the analysis. oh, to live without the analysis!

so that's what i am going to do.

i guess what all that means is that this is my last post.

and i am not sad about that. because this place has been awesome to me. so thanks. thanks thanks thanks. thanks for reading. thanks for following. thanks for commenting. thanks for your support. except for barry, everyone who has stopped by (and especially those who've stayed) has contributed to the experience in a positive way.

so, in conclusion...

yeh, not really sure how to wrap three years into one neat little goodbye. chances are i'll change my mind and be back in a few months anyway. but, if not, i'll miss you. not just you the reader but you, the blog.

my blog.

my camelshoes.

much love,
kate

xox

hey fatty, love yourself

2011-03-18T16:55:00.000+11:00

'tis not often i take photos of toilet walls...

...but it's not often i agree so strongly with both sides of an argument either.

at 29 i am still trying to shake that obsession with weight and body image. the idea that a six-year-old could have similar issues is scary.

but damn, kids are fat these days. and that's pretty scary too as far as i am concerned.

which side are you on?

brace face

2011-03-15T16:37:00.002+11:00

so, i got braces. after about three years of umming and ahhing, i just bit the bullet and did it.

they've actually been on for about three months now.

it's taken this long to tell camelshoes because it's taken this long to come to terms with how i feel.

sounds very dramatic, doesn't it?

and it was a bit dramatic at first. actually, the blowfly sunglasses were on before i even left the orthodontist. operation hide my tears.

it was odd. on the way to the orthodontist i was feeling quite the opposite. i was excited, almost liberated, by the fact i had finally made the decision - such a big, expensive decision.

getting the braces on was painful. seeing my new look in the mirror, more so.

i couldn't imagine enduring that pain - physical and emotional - for 12 to 18 months. like i said: dramatic.

the pain is now sporadic. it's rarely as painful as it was that first week and i've been able to find a way to appreciate the discomfort - it means movement after all, and that's the point.

the vanity? i wish it didn't matter to me. it does. and it will continue to do so. but it's getting better. again, it's about appreciating the discomfort. braces might not be a good look but the result will be.

plus, i am finding great new ways to pose for photos.

bad decision comes good

ever ended up pleased with a decision which originally filled you with regret?

i'm just a girl

2011-03-08T20:44:00.001+11:00

today was international women's day (so i found out when i read the paper this morning).

as if to poke fun at the occasion, i spent two hours in a management meeting this afternoon with 13 colleagues, all men. no, i wasn't serving the coffee. but you could see why one's imagination might take them there.

i used to argue vehemently that i wasn't a feminist until a few years ago when someone whose opinion i respect probably more than anyone else's told me i was. i considered defending myself until his reasoning started to make complete sense.

i thought a feminist was a woman who burnt her bra, stomped her feet and refused to shave her underarms. in fact, a feminist is a woman who believes in gender equality. equal political, economic, and social rights, and equal opportunities. damn straight i am a feminist.

i'll admit, i probably do have a chip on my shoulder about this sometimes. but i am also happy to be passionate about things i believe in.

that said, i am not suggesting my meeting this afternoon should have looked differently. if those 13 men were each the best candidates for their respective positions (which, for the record, i believe they would have been) then that's the way it goes.

i do not believe in forced gender balance in the workplace. down with tokenism. who wants a job that way anyway?

i just think it's a shame the unbalanced ratio is so common. at least it has been in my experience.

so, what's my point? i don't really know. just thought it was interesting.

which way does the gender scale tip in your office?

do you care?

order restored

2011-02-25T14:07:00.000+11:00

we're going to be okay. two and a half men has been cancelled. read about it here. or just celebrate with me. woooooo hoooooooooo!

bye bye, charlie

the final draft

2011-02-21T21:47:00.000+11:00

"I am selfish and impatient and I make mistakes,

I am out of control and at times hard to handle.

"But if you can't handle me at my worst,

then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

this post has been sitting in my drafts folder for more than six months. and the words underneath the quote, the words which have now been replaced by these ones, have been second guessed and re-written so, so many times.

i knew what i wanted to write. i wanted to write a huge, resolute "fuck yeh!".

i fell in love with this quote the moment i saw it. i fell in love with it because it hit home. and i really just wanted to post it on camelshoes because it empowered me.

and then my mind "unpowered" me. it's good like that.

i started wondering whether words such as these are just an excuse. an excuse to settle for the current you when there's quite probably a much better version - if you only tried to unveil it. then i worried that if i posted this quote, and followed up with a (hopefully more articulate version of) "fuck yeh!", people - or, let's be honest, one person in particular - might think i wasn't going to bother trying to be the best version of myself.

bad choice. above all, this is a space where i should be true to me.

it is true though. 'accept (love) me for who i am' is one thing but being a complete twat and falling back on that reasoning is another.

still, i hate why i started thinking that way when all i came here to say was "i fucking love this quote!"

happy valentine's day no one!

2011-02-14T09:09:00.009+11:00

so, it's v day. i like v day because there's a chance i'll get a present. and i like presents.

i am also a total sucker for romance. god knows i put too many lovely dovey pictures on camelshoes. look here's one.

and another

sucker or not, romance doesn't have to happen on february 14. the boy and i acknowledge v day - no point being cynical for the sake of it - but it's low key. i kind of think the grand gestures are more for new or soon-to-be couples.

that said, i'd like to send out a happy valentines day to you. i love you (for reading my blog).

to celebrate our love (well, just to laugh really), i'd like to share this. the end of a very funny ep of 30 rock (aren't they all). it's v day and liz lemon has arranged to have dental surgery so that she has an awesome excuse for not having a date rather than feel as though she has no one. of course, you need someone to take you home after dental surgery and, since it's v day, no one's free. shame. cue anesthetic side effects and the three dentals nurses suddenly look a lot like three ex boyfs.

laugh!

a 'private' ps for the boy: iku.

who's the dickhead now?

2011-02-12T10:05:00.000+11:00

i wrote this post a while back. if you can't be bothered clicking through, it's the one about NRL footballer greg bird allegedly glassing his girlfriend. and the fact his girlfriend then stood by him.

it's also a really good example of someone being exceptionally judgemental.

i cringed i little when i read this last week. i had gone looking forward because a recent rendezvous, which i'll come back to in a mini, had made me think of these words.

firstly, it's so harsh. i think i was probably trying to be dramatic for effect but, no doubt, i also felt like the girlfriend was a dickhead for standing by her man.

two-and-a-bit years later, the epiphany arrives. dickhead or not, what's it got to do with me? what do i know about them and their relationship? why do i think it's okay to insult a complete stranger?

i met someone last week. someone who is in the public eye and who has been accused of questionable behaviour before. and, of course, i had an opinion of him (not far removed from the one i had of bird's bird).

he was lovely.

i also met his wife. the victim of said questionable behaviour. also lovely.

it's important to note, domestic violence is never, ever okay and i am in no way suggesting otherwise.

but what i am suggesting is that i don't know them. i don't know what goes on in their life. i don't know what did or didn't happen that night. so who am i to judge?

what i do know, now, is that they're lovely. so best our relationship is based on that observation. the only observation i can back up.

among others, the reason it's important (to me) to stop jumping to the easy conclusion, to stop judging where my opinion isn't necessary, is because it would upset me if people treated me, my friends or my relationships that way.

do unto others and all that jazz.

hallmark: you're out of the group.

2011-02-10T13:27:00.000+11:00

cards are such a lovely gesture.

problem is, most of them are terrible. i've wasted unacceptable amounts of time in newsagents trying to find a suitable card for an upcoming event only to wonder time and time again: 'who the hell would buy that?' once, after failing to find anything near suitable for a friend's wedding, i turned the tables and tried to find the ugliest card ever. that game was much easier (and kind of fun)!

every now and then though, i strike gold. and i think: 'stock up. save yourself this frustration next time'. but i never do.

until now.

thanks to able and game for the super cute cards which i discovered at finders keepers markets in december. i didn't buy at the time because i was overwhelmed by the crowd and by choice. their etsy store though has since had a workout.

a couple of gems, for your perusal...

food glorious food

2011-01-30T17:01:00.001+11:00

one of the reasons i've been blog absent of late is that i've been on holidays. the boy and i spent a week in melbourne. i used to be organised enough to schedule a post or two but not anymore it seems.

anyway, point of the trip (in addition to the simple yet important 'just because') was one, the australian open and two, the great ocean road.

more about that later. for now, i'd like to discuss food.

i love brunching. it's my favourite meal to share with friends. it's my favourite meal to enjoy alone. i'll usually brunch at least once each week and i've tested plenty of sydney spots. my favourite, although it's not an easy pick, is probably redfern's baffi and mo. try the eggs baffi, the hash stack, the baked eggs (the boy rarely orders anything else), the ricotta pancakes w lemon curd...you won't be sorry.

that said, and as much as i really do adore b&m, in three days melbourne served up two of the best brunches i've ever experienced. ever.

let's start in hawthorn. i was so excited to try porgie + mr jones because my beautiful friend georgie is, in fact, porgie. i was thrilled that when georgie and i caught up later i was able to wax lyrical without even a hint of embellishment.

the atmos, the style, the service, the menu and, oh so importantly, the coffee and the food: so impressive.

porgie had recommended the smashed avo or banana bread and, when i laid eyes on the menu, they were the exact items which appealed the most regardless of the advice.

sweet or savory? sweet or savory? first world problems.

decision = smashed avo w thyme buttered mushroom, marinated feta + torn basil on wholegrain toast. and yes, i added the poached egg (hush. i'm on holidays).

delish.

although i am sure i'd have felt the same about the toasted banana bread w maple syrup mascarpone, fresh banana, berry compote + crushed pistachio.

for the boy: folded scrambles w fresh herbs and holy goats cheese on wholegrain. more yum.

if you're in melbourne, get there.

also, get here. richmond hill cafe & larder.

for me it was the bircher muesli w strawberries, toasted almonds and richmond hill's vanilla bean yogurt. bircher's a pretty standard menu item and i've tried it in plenty of places. it's never tasted this good before.

the boy went for the baghdad eggs (w lemon, garlic, cumin and mint on grilled flatbread) and they were amazing. ah.maze.ing. i would have had food envy but i was too busy loving my muesli.

cheese lover that i am, we didn't really take advantage of the larder but the display did look spectacular. still, we were en route to the oz open and i don't think 500g of stilton would have survived a day in rod laver arena. next time.

and, on that note, i'm hungry.

new things in my life

2011-01-28T13:03:00.015+11:00

this post exists mainly because of guilt. i haven't written for ages. aaaaaaaaaages. and i don't like big gaps between posts. sorry camelshoes.

that said, it's a definite filler post. a couple of pictures. a few words. not a great deal of thought. still, it's a little bit exciting that i have a new ipod and a new scent in my life.

my ipod is pink. like the one in this picture, it will also have the wonderful sia album we are born on it, among other grand tunes.

my current ipod - also a nano but of the first generation variety - is on its last legs. i did buy it in 2006 though so kudos on the lifespan, apple. especially considering my blatant ipod abuse (read: stores 'pod down bra at gym).

next.

i will once again smell like coco mademoiselle. it's been about 18 months. i ran out and decided to hold off on a replacement. i had three different scents on the go but wasn't getting through the others in favour of the divine ms coco. but i missed her. plus, i smashed one of the backups. oops.

thanks must go to the australian dollar and my jet-setting sister for making these purchases happen.

also, happy birthday sister.

to everyone else, have a wonderful weekend!

i think i see ewan mcgregor singing inside

2011-01-13T15:20:00.003+11:00

thanks a million to last doll standing for consistently bringing pretty things to my attention. and thanks a million to noir for designing and creating this most glorious piece.

(and thanks a million to my birthday for being kinda soon. wink, wink).

cage redeems himself, courtesy of harry hanrahan

2011-01-11T09:41:00.001+11:00

in case you missed it, i hate nicolas cage.

i hate his movies. i hate his voice. i hate his face.

the following video, however, is a scream.

i wear short shorts

2010-12-11T21:37:00.000+11:00

and after the mojitos, i walked home. and on the way home, i popped into the local store. and in the local store, i fell for some shorts. and because i was a bit tipsy, i decided why not? and in cold light of sobriety, i still love my new shorts. win.

My shorts. Not my body.

check me out

2010-12-08T21:30:00.000+11:00

oh, we all have our little facebook gripes. i've had my whinge here but, in the end, i log on at least daily so (who am i kidding?) i am addicted.

but i am yet to see the benefit of this new checking in situation.

sat with three mates at corridor, sipping mojitos and watching newtown pass us by, one of said friends "checked" us in on facebook. is that even what it's called? in case i am getting it wrong, what i mean is she told facebook where she was and who she was with. and, because i was 'with', the check in appeared on my facebook page too.

now, there was no problem with this, on this occasion. but it did make me wonder: what if i had pulled out a little white lie to avoid something or someone in favour of mojitos at corridor. it's not like i make a habit of this kind of behaviour but it's fair to say, it happens. and i'm okay with that. unless i get caught out.

and, what if someone nearby notices that you've checked in. someone who you don't really need to see on a casual saturday arv? someone who doesn't understand that you don't really need to see them on a casual saturday arv. again, i don't mean to imply i run around town avoiding enemies. and, of course, why would i have enemies on facebook? but we all know there are mojitos-on-a-saturday-arv friends and there are facebook friends, right?

have you checked in?

been caught out?

stuff and nonsense*

2010-12-03T16:01:00.000+11:00

my week has been totally shit, damn good and everything in between.

i don't want to write about why it was totally shit because i don't want to dwell in the shitiness of the shit. i don't want to write why it was damn good because the big positive has a niggling negative and i know i'll end up talking about the latter and i want to let it go for now.

what a stupid post. i have been entirely coy and useless.

i am, however, looking ridiculously forward to the weekend. summer has decided to pop by today which is great since rain had been predicted for the first 20-something days of december. what the? still, i think the wet stuff will soon return, but hopefully not before sunday because i have some grand, sun-dependant plans. i'll tell you about them some other time. perhaps.

i shoudn't tell you this, because it's busy enough as it is, but the finders keepers markets are on tonight and tomorrow so i'll be swinging by after a baffi and mo brunch in the morn. sweet.

i've just downloaded the new girl talk which i am already loving. after two years of listening to the same album on the treadmill, i can finally mix it up. yes, i do have other music on my ipod but nothing works like girl talk for me. one issue, i find it really difficult to run off beat. does that happen to anyone else? or should i add that to the reasons-why-i-am-weird list? oh, there's a list. ps: download for free here. 'tis legal.

so, our cricket team sucks. i don't like being crap at stuff and that extends to those who represent me (ie: the australian cricket team) but still, i just don't care as much as i used to. anyone who has ever watched state of origin with me pre-2006 will probably assume someone has hijacked camelshoes but: it's just sport. still, they'd better perk up for the second day of the fifth test because i didn't fork out 105 bucks to watch this shit.

uuum, what else? eh, how about just wrapping it up rather than scraping the bottom of the blog convo barrel? yes, good idea. you poor people who have continued reading waiting for substance. sorry.

have a grand weekend!! yeeeow!!

stay summer, stay!

*it's possible i've used this heading before. it sounds like something i would do. but i couldn't find it so i am rolling with it. forgive? thanks

reintroducing my friend rick

2010-11-23T09:20:00.001+11:00

i wrote this yesterday. it was sitting in drafts because i already posted yesterday. i know i am allowed to post twice in the space of 24 hours but i just can't - consider it my personal form of OCD. anyway, i decided i must post now while the topic is hot (physically, metaphorically). and it's hot because: one of the greatest posts ever written by the man i am about to speak of was yesterday posted on mamamia. please read it. it's truly amazing. and i am so. damn. proud.

there's this guy. his name is rick. he's not my boyfriend but i do kind of love him. i met him ahhh, about five years ago i think and, because both of us suffer from a very weird disease called socially-inept-around-new-people-but-i'll-get-there-and-then-we'll-be-great-mates, we didn't really talk much and just stewed in our respective corners of the newsroom.

and then one day, something happened. and i don't even remember what but i bet you it was awesome. the result? i realised this rick guy was fucking great. we started chatting more and my realisation only strengthened.

then we both discovered the other had this secret blog thing going. wow? you too? really? what's the address? i read and read and read and read. i couldn't stop. rick's blog was fucking amazing. hilarious for a start but also so very clever and, importantly, as honest and raw as any i've ever read.

that blog doesn't live in cyberspace anymore. rick got a new job, which was great, except it meant goodbye to the public display of all those fantastic words.

hiatus over. rick has returned to blogger through the ambiguity report and i am fucking stoked.

i am also swearing a lot. sorry. i try not to mostly. but this is a swear-worthy post because i am passionate about this guy and his words. i am so glad the two of them have reunited.

read his stuff. be inspired.

life's better with a book

2010-11-22T14:13:00.000+11:00

do you know what's exciting? starting a new book and loving it from the first page. so few books, even some of my all-time favourites, have failed to do this. cannot wait to read on.

thanks a million to kate who recommended this read when commenting this book-related post a little while back.

banana-rama

2010-11-12T10:17:00.001+11:00

i always keep my bad bananas. i stick them in the freezer because, you know, they're great for baking. but then i never bloody bake anything and i just end up with a stack of black bananas in the freezer.

frananas no more. i am baking a banana flavoured something, goddamit.

thanks to taste.com.au and its fantastic what-ingredient-do-you-want-to-use? search engine, i made the tastiest damn banana bread ever the other day. shall i share? okay.

bread us up, punks!

banana and coconut bread

serves 8 (or just me over a few days)

ingredients
1 1/2 cups plain flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon bicarbonate of soda
1 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1 cup desiccated coconut
270ml can Ayam coconut cream
2 eggs
1 cup mashed banana (about two bananas)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

method
1. preheat oven to 170°C/150°C fan-forced. lightly grease a 6cm-deep,
10cm x 20cm (base) loaf pan. line base and sides with baking paper, allowing a 2cm overhang at long ends.
2. sift flour, baking powder and bicarbonate of soda into a bowl. add sugar and coconut. stir to combine.
3. place coconut cream, eggs, banana and vanilla in a jug. whisk to combine. fold into flour mixture. spoon into prepared pan.
4. bake for 75 minutes or until a skewer inserted in the centre comes out clean.
5. stand in pan for 10 minutes. turn out onto a wire rack to cool.
6. gobble.

taste reckons serve with strawberry jam. i reckon, whatever. there was no way i was putting anything on the final product. it didn't need it. delish.

why i love editing: reason 759

2010-11-10T09:54:00.001+11:00

some people write things like this:

The Establishment encourages you to assist in minimising the impact on the environment by taking practical steps to attain an environmentally sustainable transport system to the venue.

extract from real email send by real people. someone hand me my red pen.

oooo hindsight, you came and you found me a turkey...

2010-11-08T09:32:00.001+11:00

i was just having a squiz at my post library and cleaning up my drafts. finishing them sometimes, deleting them mostly. i came across this way down the line. i wrote it in april. i am not sure why i didn't post. probably had one of my self-doubting moments. i've just read it, expecting it to be incomplete yet it seems finished. it also still rings true. so, here 'tis. how i felt in april. how i still feel now.

so, this post has been floating around in my mind for ages now. ages. and the only reason i haven't put finger to keyboard on the matter is time. me and my severe lack of time.

you might have noticed that i haven't written about dark days for a while. and that's because, well, i haven't really had any. i have my moments, fo' shiz. but something's clicked inside me. some little voice, which i wish had've spoken up years ago, has said 'nah, fuck it. i can't be bothered caring about that shit anymore'. it's grand. grand i tell ya.

but it's not all sunshine and lollipops in my world. things still get me down and i am still very much a work in progress. one thing i have pinpointed lately which i desperately need to address is my inability to see the wider picture when things go wrong.

for the first 12 hours at least.

i've noticed recently that i am, despite popular opinion (including mine), quite rational. i can see and respect others' points of view, even if i don't agree. i can take a deep breathe and move on when things aren't going my way. i can let go of things i cannot control. i can take a good look at my options and weigh up the ramifications.

yeh, i'm totally smart.

that said, i cannot do this until i have first had a complete meltdown.

aaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhhhhh. there's no ice cream left. no. ice. cream.

sometimes it takes only a matter of minutes for me to: realise i am being irrational, calm down, take a common sense approach. so why can't i apply that reaction immediately? before the anxiety? the panic? the stress?

and it's not as though it takes any kind of inner pep talk to get to the rational stage. it just tends to happen. it's as though i simply need to get the crazy out of my system.

from this i have learned i should never react to difficult/bad/emotional/stressful/annoying situations immediately. i should probably even steer clear of voicing how i feel straight away, especially to anyone involved.

rather than a panic room, i think i require a vent room. full of cushions. and chocolate.

keep calm and cut my hair

2010-11-03T16:23:00.000+11:00

i tried a new hairdresser the other day. i'm not unhappy with my regular hairdresser - in fact, she's probably the best i've ever had (to the point that i can forgive her the water down the back during the rinse) - but i couldn't get an appointment before last saturday's wedding and really wanted slash needed a touch up.

i saw this as a opportunity to try a little place i'd spotted close to home. it's right next door to a cafe i frequent and the interior styling really appealed to me. it's got character where my regular salon's styling is a bit obvious.

i'll stick with obvious.

first, i had to return the next day to ask for the finished product to be fixed. then, i had to ask her it to be fixed a second time when the first 'fix' did nothing to alter my zebra sideburns. fuuuuurthermore, she made two serious conversation errors; both involving ill-thought out comments insulting my home town and the people who live there.

but the icing on the cake (well, it actually came first so it was more like the flour in the mix) is what i wanted to bring to your attention...

two weeks before my appointment i popped my head in the salon post coffee and managed to secure a highly sought after thursday night slot just before the wedding. winner. i briefly explained what i was after. hairdresser-to-be responded:

"yeh, it's looking a little brassy"..."hmmm, you're probably due for a cut".

thanks scissor sister but i've got two weeks left with this hair so lay off. plus, i didn't even book a god damn cut and you know it.

this happens to me all the time. in fact, one of the things i really liked about my regular was complete the absence of this sly criticism. the first hairdresser i tried in sydney was probably the worst. she spent the entire appointment returning to the subject of my hair's awful condition and how great it was going to be once she'd saved it.

what i can't work out is whether it's a strategy or not. they're essentially having a crack at the previous hairdresser, also known as the competition, so it makes business sense in a way. on the other hand, it doesn't encourage me to come back.

and i hate to play the 'busy' card but it's not easy to find three spare hours to sit in a chair no matter how up-to-date your magazine collection is. it's even harder when you have to give up a subsequent hour the following morning for mistakes to be rectified.

as a hairdresser, you should lead lead by example and always sport a spectacularly healthy and fashion-forward 'do. as a writer, i should lead by example and always illustrate strong spelling and grammar (lack of capitals acknowledged). and since i politely keep to myself the fact your shop sign is missing an apostrophe, i'd appreciate it if you left me and my brassy crop alone.

hmph.

good, bad, ugly hairdresser experiences: got any?

making friends and influencing people

2010-11-01T17:02:00.001+11:00

(as usual) in two minds about posting this. feel i need to get it off my chest. also feel that this post defeats the purpose of deleting the message (which you're about to read about) and trying to forget i ever read it. if this post goes missing at a later date, you know why.

i got a facebook message on friday. it was from a complete stranger. and, as far as i can tell, we don't have any friends in common either.

the subject line simply read "hi". the message?

"do you mean to come across as a pretentious dickhead on the internet?"

and that's it. that's all barry had to say.

a lack of alternatives suggests barry is referring to camelshoes.

i hate that barry's message was so hurtful. i hate that it made me rack my brain for possible pretentious posts. i hate that, for a moment, it made me wonder whether my online presence was worth the trouble.

but after the moment of drama i came to a pretty simple conclusion.

i don't believe i am pretentious. i don't believe camelshoes is pretentious. (although, if i am honest, i am sure both of us have had unintentional pretentious moments).

still, i would rather be pretentious than nasty and i think it's pretty nasty to seek out a complete stranger on the iternet just to make them feel low.

what about you. ever received hate mail?

does it get to you, or are you a water-off-a-duck's-back kind of person?

here's to you mrs robertson

2010-10-27T11:24:00.001+11:00

i love weddings. they are just gorgeous. how could such a celebration - such a grand gesture - be anything else? but, no doubt, there are some weddings that, by virtue of the people and by virtue of the styling, are more gorgeous than others.

it's all a matter of opinion, of course. and, in my opinion, saturday's wedding of scotty (too hotty) and shell was one of the most gorgeous i have ever seen.

scotty and shell have been together 11 years. i make that point for two reasons. one, it's true and two, i think, in an odd way, it is representative of our generation. a generation that will do things when they're ready, not when every one says they should be.

11 years has nothing to do with uncertainty because there's little in life more certain than the 'meant-to-be' status of scotty and shell. they are loved individually and as a couple by family and friends alike. it was such a pleasure to share saturday with them.

plus, s and s are both designers which means the day looked so damn good. a friend nikki said it perfectly: "such a beautiful wedding and so reflective of two beautiful people".

there were so many steal-worthy touches: the picture frame hanging from a tree branch (complete with polaroid camera, scrap book and pen); the bocce set on the lawn; the lanterns up above; the collection of frames scattered about inside, each housing an important moment in time; the giant white balloons floating over the cupcake display; blah, blah, blah...honestly, this list could go on and on.

it would be remiss of me to gloss over the speeches. every speech, but especially those of the mr and mrs themselves, comprised some of the most lovely, heart-felt words i've ever heard. there wasn't a dry eye in the house as scotty wrapped up with a few choice words about his beautiful bride. and she sure was beautiful.

i forgot my camera (because i am good like that) so here is a small collection of photos i have unashamedly stolen from friends.

and the deed is done!

two beautiful (and expecting) bridesmaids

one of countless memorable touches at the charming venue

a better look at the gorgeous dress, the gorgeous bride

our little message to the bride and groom

it starts with photo geek. it continues with 'shin kicker'.

where our nights always end up

congratulations scotty and shell on a beautiful day. i know i am not alone when i say i look so very forward to spending more wonderful (and stylish) moments with you both.

a random collection of words to fill the white space

2010-10-19T21:13:00.000+11:00

awful. just awful.

previous post equals almost three weeks ago. i haven't been the neglectful in a very long time.

insert ramble about work playing time thief. boo.

work is still stealing excessive minutes so i am not going to delve into anything here. but i just had to pop in and say a quick hello.

hello. how are you?

i'm good.

lots to tell you. and i look forward to reacquainting with the written word.

for now, a summary.

watching: it's hard to say. our television has the worst reception so i am kind of watching tv snow. i like background noise but i get too involved in music to concentrate on the task at hand.

reading: a book the title of which i can't even tell you. and i am almost finished. needless to say, it's not blowing me away. i am persevering because i didn't buy it expecting it to blow me away. i bought it because i thought the writing style (more on that another day) would prove an inspiration...or perhaps an educational deterrent.

playing: still can't get enough of flo and the machine on the iPod. i know, it's probably time to move on. but she still makes me happy. perhaps because i listened to her throughout italy and she takes me back. come november i plan to be playing a lot of he will have his way.

eating: frozen dinners. so lame. so convenient. but i make up for it with my weekend fare. sydney readers, i implore you: baffi & mo.

drinking: way to much red wine on the weekend. not enough water today.

planning: melbourne in january. australian open plus great ocean road. tips most welcome.

loathing: spring pretending to be winter. very funny, buddy.

loving: among other things, i am loving that on saturday, two very wonderful people will be getting married. all the very best scotty and shell. a match made in wagga wagga. i am so excited to see what kind of wedding day you've both created. i know it will be stunning. xox

and a little picture to close, because it really has been too long.

To continue the wedding theme. Admired at and pinched from 100 layer cake.

a new take on an old system. join me, won't you?

2010-10-01T22:45:00.001+10:00

camelshoes used to sport the follow gadget. it doesn't anymore. the reason can be found, in part, right here.

but while i've rejected the gadget, i haven't rejected the concept.

if you like what you find here - like what you see, like what you read - i would love you to follow along.

here's how.

bloggers: see the search box thing in the top left corner of this page? and see the word follow next to it? click that.

non bloggers: scroll down. scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll. when you hit the bottom (after the last post but before the disclaimer) you'll see it says 'subscribe to'. click that.

go on. you know you want to. but hey, if you don't, just don't. i'll keep playing with words regardless.

*another big thanks to all who commented on the linked post. you made the decision so very easy.

i'm sorry, did i hurt your feelings?

2010-09-27T20:01:00.009+10:00

you guys wouldn't stop following, right?

i'm having a bit of a blog crisis. and by crisis, i mean minor issue. (c'mon, exaggeration makes things sound better).

i'd like your advice actually. especially fellow bloggers.

see that little box on the right? come fly with me is where the followers of this blog live. i am hugely chuffed that people follow this blog. when i see that number go up, i smile. and in a funny way, i feel as though it validates all the crazy words you can find here.

that said, i am thinking about getting rid of the 'follow' gadget.

there are a few reasons but it's safe to say the thought process started last week when four (FOUR!!!) followers stopped...ahhhh...following me.

it felt awful.

all i could think is that i had upset someone, written something they were offended by or, worse, had been consistently boring the hell out of them over time.

what i know is, the reality is probably much less dramatic.

what i also know is, even if someone was bored and/or offended, i must learn to accept that because this is my blog with my words and i shouldn't second guess it.

but anyway, that's not the reason i am thinking of booting the follow tool. it was the catalyst for the thought, but there's more to it.

the whole following concept, in my opinion, is (in many cases at least) manufactured popularity. to reiterate, i am stoked people choose to click camelshoes's follow button. but i am quite confident plenty of those followers don't actually read camelshoes. and if you're reading this, i guess i am not talking about you, so that gets me off any potential offending :)

don't get me wrong. i know we're all busy. i often find it hard to sit down and catch up on the blogs i truly enjoy reading too. and i am in no way suggesting followers should read every single post. but do you ever get the feeling people follow you just so you'll follow them back? great trick, i'm sure, but i don't want to play that game.

on the other side of the coin, there are a lot of people who follow camelshoes in the legitimate sense. people who i know and love in the real world. people like this mean the world to camelshoes yet they're not captured by some 'follow' button.

i guess the number in that corner is unlikely to be an accurate indication of who really follows camelshoes. there might be 50 followers, there might be 500, but i will guarantee there aren't 105* (or, in week-old language, 109).

so, get rid of the icon. yeh, but i don't want to lose those who stumble across camelshoes and would like to stay. well, stop caring about 'unfollowers'. you don't even know them. yeh, but i am kind of neurotic.

help! what are your thoughts on the follow concept?

ever had a similar confidence hit?

got a winning solution?

*a warm welcome and thank you to lazarus who became follower 106 while this blog was sitting in drafts. i certainly needed the confidence boost :)

i like to wear bright socks

2010-09-23T12:19:00.002+10:00

you need to watch this. now.

thank you cd for bringing it to my attention.

three course meal with a side of epiphany

2010-09-21T12:01:00.002+10:00

i mentioned in the italy part II post that a few of us took the opportunity to take a cooking class in florence. if i'm honest, i would have liked it to feel a little more authentic. that said, we had a ball and ate some wonderful food.

cookin' up a storm

our teacher was giovanni (of course it was) and, truth be told, he was a bit of a tool. a harmless tool, but a tool all the same. still, he made an off the cuff comment which instantly resonated, for different reasons i'm sure, with each pf us. something which, i very much hope, will stay with me forever.

after opening a can of peeled tomatoes, giovanni proceeded to peel a bunch of the now freed fruit. one of his students commented: 'but they're meant to be peeled'. oh so casually, giovanni replied:

"if it is real, it cannot be perfect"

wow. epiphany. he might have been talking tomatoes, but it meant a whole lot more to me.

these words have already made an impact. i am finding it easier to be forgiving of human error. the best part is, that includes my very own human errors.

this is particularly wonderful because i make heaps.

my words just won't do

2010-09-09T09:28:00.027+10:00

it amazes me to think one year ago i was in krakow, poland. time sure does fly. i intended to blog that experience back then. not so much krakow but the day trip i took to auschwitz.

i never quite got around to it. time wasn't on my side for starters. august slash september 2009 was a mad rush of travel and goodbyes, relocation and hellos. but i guess there was another reason the post fell by the proverbial wayside. i just couldn't quite find the words.

for me, and i am sure most people, auschwitz conjures up horrific and incomprehensible thoughts and images.

and there i was: standing next to gas chambers where millions - millions! - of jews were exterminated; inside horse stables where lives were 'lived' and eventually lost through forced labor, starvation, disease and medical experiments.

wost of all, for me, was the large 'display window' full of human hair which had been hacked off prisoners' heads upon arrival at the camp for the purpose of industry. they found seven tons of it. on the other side of the wall: 'mug shots'. hundreds and thousands of photos of men, women, children - all stripped of dignity, emptiness in their eyes. awful.

it was soul wrenching, no doubt about it, but still: it was a pretty autumn day, the crisp air and light sunshine both flirting with my senses. the place was full of tourists all comfortably dressed, camera in tow and sharing the experience with family and friends.

we were all physically in auschwitz but we will never be in auschwitz.

elie wiesel was. his first-hand account, the following excerpt particularly, will stay with me forever.

In the wagon where the bread had landed, a battle ensued. Men were hurling themselves against each other, trampling, tearing at and mauling each other. Beasts of prey unleashed, animal hate in their eyes. An extraordinary vitality possessed them, sharpening their teeth and nails.

A crowd of workmen and curious passersby had formed all along the train. They had undoubtedly never seen a train with this kind of cargo. So, pieces of bread were falling into the wagon from all sides. And spectators observed these emaciated creatures ready to kill for a crust of bread.

A piece fell into our wagon. I decided not to move. Anyway, I would not be strong enough to fight off dozens of violent men! I saw, not far from me, an old man dragging himself on all fours. He had just detached himself from the struggling mob. He was holding one hand to his heart. At first I thought he had received a blow to the chest. Then I understood: he was hiding a piece of bread under his shirt. With lightening speed he pulled it out and put it to his mouth. His eyes lit up, a smile, like a grimace, illuminated his ashen face. And was immediately extinguished. A shadow had lain down beside him. And this shadow threw itself over him. Stunned by the blows, the old man was crying:

"Meir, my little Meir! Don't you recognise me...you're killing your father...I have bread...for you....for you too..."

He collapsed. But his fist was still clutching a small crust. He wanted to raise it to his mouth. But the other threw himself on him. The old man mumbled something, groaned, and died. Nobody cared. His son searched him, took the crust of bread, and began to devour it. He didn't get far. Two men had been watching him. They jumped him. Others joined in. When they withdrew, there were two dead bodies next to me, the father and the son.

I was sixteen.

so you see then, where my words fall short.

1000 words

2010-09-06T09:21:00.009+10:00

blogtography mondays, a little something i created to get the post count rolling as much as to share wonderful pictures, has been a weekly tradition for more than a year here on camelshoes.

but, all of a sudden, i decided i was over it.

i was going to keep going until i hit some kind of 'significant' sign-off figure. but then i wondered why the hell i would bother. what's wrong with signing off on blogtography mondays post number 56? what makes it worse than 50? 100?

so yes, as you might guess, blogtography mondays will draw to a close today.

i am grateful to have a wonderful catalogue of pictures to look back on. pictures that meant something to me, made me smile or were just damn sexy. and there'll be a lot more great pictures scattered throughout my words as camelshoes progresses.

but that's just it. this is a words blog. i am a words girl.

word.

the house of lame and boring

2010-09-01T09:43:00.001+10:00

so, the house of sand and fog is the most boring book ever. at least, that's what i thought. i am (was) more than half way through the 400-odd pages and, for the first time in my life, had decided to give up on a book.

i googled the title. i wanted a picture so i could tell you how i was going to get all arts and craftsy and turn this...

into this...

enter wikipedia and the two paragraph synopsis. seems i was bored because everything, and i do mean everything, happens after page 289.

SPOILER ALERT!

"Out of desperation, Kathy goes to her home and attempts to commit suicide twice, first trying to shoot herself and secondly overdosing on pills. The Behranis manage to stop her both times, and she is put in a bedroom to rest. Lester breaks into the house and locks the Behranis in their bathroom at gunpoint until they agree to sell the house back to Kathy. When Lester takes the Behranis to the county office, Behrani’s son, Esmail, gets a hold of the gun and is shot by the authorities that surround him. When Behrani finds out in the hospital that his son has died, he is overcome with grief and rage at both Lester and Kathy. He returns to the house to find Kathy there, and attempts to strangle her to death. Believing Kathy to be dead, he dons his uniform and suffocates both himself and his wife, who had been asleep in the bedroom."

wow, it's like summer bay. i knew there must have been something coming because oprah wanted to marry this book and i want to marry oprah.

but now i know how it ends so i still think i'll end up turning this...

into this...

so, do you always finish reading what you start?

or are you happy to give a book the flick mid-read?

i now pronounce you marito e moglie

2010-08-29T14:24:00.001+10:00

remember how i started this but then didn't finish it? i wanted to add pictures but had to wait until wedding no. 2 so i didn't ruin the dress surprise. well, the second wedding is done and dusted so, here 'tis: italia: part uno.

okay, okay, okay. italy.

oh italy.

we've been back almost a week* now but, god, it already feels like so long ago. sigh.

i don't know where to start. the obvious choice would be at the beginning but i can't do that.

why? because i have to save the best till last and we kick started italy in the most amazing place i have ever been.

well, how about the point of the trip, the wedding? good idea.

set in what i have been calling regional tuscany (because it's easier that way), the wedding of fiona and alfredo was always going to be a special experience.

we (the boy, ange, clare and i) were staying in a bed and breakfast about 10 minutes drive away from the wedding venue. a bed and breakfast i cannot recommend highly enough. casa monte cucco was more than we ever could have hoped for, although things started a little ominously.

we arrived about three hours later than we should have after a 90-minute wait for a pre-booked hire car and a nightmare of a time trying to get out of rome. "all roads might lead to rome but none of them freakin' get you out" said the mister at one point. still, when you turn left one block too soon and end up circling the colleseum for the third time, it's hard not to laugh.

we followed the directions to our b&b but, as it turned out, those directions only get you so far. we could not, for the life of us, work out where to turn off the main road. we knew we were close but we lapped that street three or four times looking for a sign, any sign. in the end, cucco was about five more turns and 10 minutes completely off the beaten track. this, in the end, was part of its appeal but a little heads up would have been great.

all was forgiven when we pulled up. italian homestead much? the house was gorgeous, the rooms were gorgeous, the setting was gorgeous, the hosts were so, so, so gorgeous. plus, in a huge bonus, we discovered were staying in the same place as the lovely pablo and elodie - a french couple who were also wedding guests.

we spent much of our time in the pool and slash or jacuzzi. surrounded by 360 degrees of rolling green hills and olive trees. seriously. we swam, we lazed, we....

yeh, we pretty much entertained ourselves in this very fashion for 90 per cent of the stay. all we really needed was a tennis ball and it would have been australia's favourite sport, 'classic catches', on tour. next time.

anyway, i am meant to be writing about the wedding of fiona and alfredo which was, in a nutshell, fantastico! the bride was stunning. yes, she my friend and of course i would say that but she truly, truly was. the groom, of course, was very handsome. and the two of them? tear jerkers! i think it was alf who shed the first tear...that promoted fi to do the same and then pretty much everyone else followed suit.

you may now wipe your tears and kiss the bride

given half the guests spoke english and no italian and the other half spoke italian and no english (with a couple of exceptions) the ceremony was conducted in both languages. such a unique experience which i think we will all cherish.

the food and wine, as you might imagine given our location, was delicious. unlike your average australian wedding, there were eleventy six courses. we started with aperitif (pre-dinner drinks with nibblies in oz speak), then antipasto (ahhh, favourite!!) which i assumed was entree but, no.

entree was spinach and ricotta ravioli with sage and butter sauce. drooling? yeh, it was glorious. if only we were warned there were two entrees the boy might not have said yes when the waitress offered seconds. and he probably wouldn't have said yes when she offered thirds (ps: were were warned. he swears he didn't hear).

entree two? wild boar pappardelle. ahhh, yum! i had no idea i was eating boar for the first time but i'm a carnivore so that's okay.

mains involved rare beef and amazing roasted vegetables followed by pork and delish roasted potatoes. or was it the other way around? can't remember. the wine was too good.

because we'd been served many small meals, i had time to realise i was full and (those who know me won't believe it) could not eat dessert. i was so disappointed to because it was fruit flan which i freakin' love. sorbet cocktails were also served and i did manage to squeeze one of those in.

but seriously, there was more to this wedding than food. let's start with a little game we like to call 'photo geek'.

why not play along at home? simply nominate one person to be the photo geek and while they pose as if they've never been so excited to be in a photo, the rest of the gang should react with appropriate disdain.

anyway...the speeches, like the ceremony, were beautifully touching. all translated into english or italian by a bilingual groomsman. although we didn't understand most of it, listening to the italian speeches was somehow just as wonderful as hearing the english versions. both the father of the groom and the bride spoke and the bond between them was quite obvious. since they'd only met a week earlier, and neither could speak the other's language, watching them together was really quite special.

having already whet our appetite with a spontaneous conga line earlier in the evening, the night wrapped up on the dance floor. this is kind of my favourite place. ever.

weddings always seem to go so fast. i guess because i am usually having so much fun. it was definitely disappointing when the music died - i can't imagine how that would feel when (if) i am the bride one day. although perhaps i'll be so exhausted, i'll welcome it.

and here's something special. the bride ever so kindly sent me a few of her most favourite pics from the professional photographer. she just recieved them. all 1800 of them. here are four.

okay, so, turns out i had a lot to say about the wedding. this whole italy thang might have to be a two-parter.

*actually, much, much longer than that now. sob.

what would beyonce say?

2010-08-26T08:16:00.001+10:00

before italy, the boy got asked a bunch of times whether this trip would be proposal time. some people didn't even bother asking, they just told him: "you'll get engaged over there".

no one said anything to me...until we got back.

"so, are you engaged?"..."where's the ring?"..."did he pop the question?"

i just find it odd. and it kind of makes me feel odd too. i mean, firstly, if i get engaged, i'm going to tell you, trust me. but secondly...i don't know...being asked kind of makes me feel like i am, in some way, falling short of some universal expectation.

and hey, i totally understand why people were guessing we'd return engaged. and there's nothing wrong with that. but must they ask?

even worse, those (and, in my experience they are aaaaalways 50-plus) who, once informed that no, we did not get engaged, proceed to hit the boy up about when he plans to pop the question, even suggesting (in jest, i understand) he's dragging the chain...while i am right there!

i can deal with it. we can deal with it. we are happy and content and that's what matters. it just surprises me that people think it's within the rules of courtesy to probe.

reasonable line of questioning or a social faux pas?

your thoughts?

you spin me right 'round, baby

2010-08-20T08:44:00.001+10:00

so, australia votes tomorrow, hey? should be interesting. and exceptionally close i would imagine.

here's a secret (which is about to be, in no way a secret): i'll be voting for jules.

and here's the disclaimer: NO, i am not voting for julia gillard because i am a woman. but you can damn well be sure that's a significant part of the reason i would never vote for tony abbott. what a tool.

have fun at the polls. hope you score a sausage sizzle!

considering a return to two columns

2010-08-18T08:40:00.000+10:00

thoughts?

grafitti: the good kind

2010-08-16T10:02:00.000+10:00

which colour?

2010-08-13T09:23:00.002+10:00

camelshoes: tackling the big issues.

cosmic love

2010-08-11T15:25:00.001+10:00

one week ago, i was watching this amazing woman be completely and utterly amazing. ah-maze-ing. florence welch. florence and the machine to be precise. if you haven't heard of them, check it. if you have, let's gush together.

ps: this photo is pretty special, huh? well, i can't take credit. but i will give it to my mate peta. kudos matey.

light the way

2010-08-09T13:09:00.000+10:00

book club time

2010-08-05T10:29:00.000+10:00

i read an amazing book during my holiday. this. was. not. it.

in fact, my sister's keeper was kind of lame. i read it after said amazing book since i still had plenty of holiday left. the storyline (daughter sues parents for medical emancipation after years undergoing operations to help keep her dying sister alive) is a good one but the implementation was a 400-page cliche.

disclaimer: if i knew how to churn out novels which appealed to the masses and made me squillions, i would totally do it. but that doesn't mean i have to enjoy reading such work.

my sister's keeper kind of reminded me of james patterson's stuff of the last five-odd years. james patterson and all his mates that is. it feels formulaic. like the author didn't really bother thinking about it but just filled in the gaps. ticked all the boxes.

to be fair, i picked up my sister's keeper less than 24 hours after i put down one of the best books i have ever read so it was a hard-act-to-follow sitch. which brings me to:

i have not stopped thinking about we need to talk about kevin since i put it down. it's one of those rare books i feel i need to read again immediately. author lionel shriver (a woman by the way) has an exquisite way with words and, in this case, she uses them to illustrate a powerful, emotional and provocative story.

the ultimate debate is nature versus nurture. was kevin born evil? or was it his upbringing (essentially a distant mother and over-eager father) that urged him to kill nine people in a high school massacre at age 15?

but this book isn't about a high school shooting. it's about the path towards it. we pick up post-massacre but look back to pre-crime with a series of letters written by kevin's mum to his dad. as she tries to come to terms with her son's crime, eva examines her life, her choices in an effort to understand how things went so very, very wrong.

read it. seriously. and, if you're feeling as though it starts a little slowly, persevere. the intricate platform is key to getting involved in the debate you'll be dying to have post-read.

have you read 'kevin'? what did you think?

and where do you stand on nature v nurture?

a moment in time

2010-08-02T16:04:00.002+10:00

favourite holiday snap. yes mum, i'll send you a copy.

i was in italy. i'm not anymore.

2010-08-01T15:34:00.002+10:00

you're getting part two of the italy story first. is that okay?

i started writing part one yesterday but the word count started to creep up and little so i decided to keep it wedding specific. to break up the words, i'd like to include photos. but, mr and mrs cerboneschi are having wedding: take II in a few weeks' time (this one's in oz) and we don't want to spoil the dress surprise for anyone now do we? no.

so, that post is sitting in drafts. this post is not. der.

bookending the lovely tuscan wedding of fiona and alfredo was three-plus weeks of italian bliss. it started on the amalfi coast, finished in the nation's capital and included a new addition to my top five all-time favourite destinations. in fact, while my current top five was written in no particular order, this spectacular location can go straight to the head of the class.

congratulations...drum roll please...positano.

look, there are probably photos which better depict this glorious destination but this is an absolute fave. it's damn hard to get a six ft six guy and a five ft nothing girl in a self portrait while sufficiently capturing the backdrop. this is stupid and i like it.

anyway, positano. camelshoes' number one travel destination. why? it's gorgeous. it's charming. it's ocean adjacent. i just fell in love. while there are certainly a lot of tourists, i didn't find it 'touristy' or crowded...and we were there in the middle of their summer.

our stay here also included time in amalfi, sorrento (formally of top-five standard, now bumped for its neighbour), pompeii and capri island.

i won't go into those or we'll be here forever. but worth a mention is the ricotta and pear flavoured gelati we gobbled in sorrento. best. flavour. ever. (until venice).

there's a little hole in the story here which takes in the three days we spent in 'wedding ville'. i'll pick up in florence.

firenze was so pretty and bolstered by the company. we had a couple of friends still with us from the wedding and a couple more waiting in florence. mike's sis and a friend of a friend also met us on day two. good times. a highlight of florence was the cooking course a few of us took which yielded fantastic bruschetta, scrumptious pasta and delish tiramisu.

the cooking was fun. the eating was better.

next stop siena and it was just the boy and i once more. we had three nights booked here which quite a few people had implied would be a long time for such a small place. but, in hindsight, i would not have wanted to do it differently. siena was beautiful. yep, absolutely, it was small. but for me, travel is much more about wandering, discovering, eating, drinking, soaking up atmosphere and i reckon you can do that anywhere.

one of the best things we did was hire a scooter and zip around tuscany for a couple of days. still based in siena we visited a heap of small towns and wineries - places off the beaten track. perfecto.

zoom zoom.

then it was off to venice. i luuuuuurved venice. to me, it's the epitome of italy. those quaint canals dotted with cute dingys winding around charming homes - it was postcard stuff. and forget pear and ricotta ice cream. i got a hankering for a scoop one particularly hot day and, sticking to our 'never-order-the-same-flavour-twice' mantra, i opted for something i had never seen before. it was, hands down, the best flavour i've ever tried. the problem is, i don't remember what it was. all i can tell you is that i am pretty sure coconuts and hazelnuts were involved.

one of a glut of venetian selfies.

from venice to milan. italy's fashion capital, apparently. we never expected milan to compare, visually, to those places we'd already been and, save the duomo, it didn't. but, my oh my, that duomo.

right in the heart of milan, it definitely the most impressive building i have ever seen. so much detail. i could have sat on that roof all day. but, places to see, cocktails to drink. lakes to visit. lake como to be precise. beautiful. tranquil. a day trip for us but definitely somewhere i would happily stay longer. plus, the chances of seeing george clooney are pretty good.

the climax of our four weeks was the cinque terre. on the coast of the italian riveria, cinque terre was, ahhh, good. lovely. beautiful in fact. but ever so slightly disappointing. and it's not cinque terre's fault. it's mine. me and my silly expectations. i though ct would blow me away. it did not. positano did but not the chink.

we got 'the walk' under out belt, because that's what you do in ct. 12km long, the track takes you from monterosso to riomaggiore via vernazza (below), corniglia and manarola. or vice versa. these are the '5 lands'. we were warned against tackling the walk since we didn't bring trainers but, in all honesty, we completely killed it in thongs (flip flops, jandals) so i am glad we went for it.

the highlight of ct was lunch at locanda lorena. we had been given step by step instructions by the father of the bride at the wedding. so, we jumped on the ferry to portovenere, found the courtesy speedboat to palmaria island and sat down to one of the most glorious meals of the trip. such a wonderful day. thanks paul.

the train from cinque terre to rome was sad. not because the end was nigh but because we had the pleasure of sitting next to halitosis woman. now, i truly don't mean to be cruel but one, she's not reading and two, it was unbearable. as soon as she stepped into the six-seat carriage, mike and i looked at each other in fear. we had a good couple of hours with this woman and it was impossible. every time she spoke, and she was with family so she spoke often, a thick fog of yuck swept over the rest of us. it's hard to be polite when you're gagging but we survived and made it safely, albeit traumatised, in rome.

we'd both been to rome before so didn't feel the need to see the sights. we had a few presents to pick up and, of course, wanted to indulge in some final italian foodie moments but it was effectively arrivederci to ialty and our amazing holiday.

a week later it feels like a lifetime away. that's what reality will do to you i guess. but we have fantastic memories, great photos and a freakin' super tan!

i can't get no sleep (ps: i'm home)

2010-07-27T17:32:00.003+10:00

camelshoes has been a little light on of late but i have an awesome excuse, also known as four week holiday. tales of that amazing italian adventure to come including a new entry in my top five (sorry sorrento, you're out).

for now i just wanted to say hi, i'm home, and i have never been so exhausted. it's 17.33 on tuesday and i am heading into my 34th consecutive hour without sleep. i cannot put into words the pain of last night. i was so tired yesterday but could not for the life of me so much as nod off last night. jet lag? i guess so. i've taken plenty of long-haul flights and never suffered before so am perhaps getting it all at once.

so, an early night tonight for me (please, please, please).

i really look forward to catching up on blogs and updating mine but want to do so when my mind is actually working so am going to give it another day or two.

just quickly, i cracked 100 followers while i was away which makes me smile so welcome newcomers. i look forward to popping over your way very soon. i also lost a follower between sunday and today. why the face? shees.

xox

colour me happy

2010-07-19T09:16:00.000+10:00

swings used to scare me

2010-07-12T09:14:00.000+10:00

- but this picture makes me smile -

peru one minute, italy the next

2010-07-05T09:18:00.002+10:00

two years ago i was in peru. wow. how times flies. so much so i just had to go back and edit my first sentence which originally started: 'a year ago...'

it didn't quite look like this. not as well styled. but the idea is there. here's a little something i wrote at the time. here's another little something which is more specific to the volunteer program i was part of while there. consider this one of those sitcom episodes where they use a bunch of old clips to save making a whole new show.

but seriously, i'm in italy. blogging is in the back seat. one damn fine holiday with my damn fine man is riding up front for four weeks, baby!

simply beautiful

2010-06-30T08:55:00.000+10:00

i saw this on the gruen transfer last week. my mouth was agape.

it's stunning. i hope you like it.

a floral skirt and a typewriter

2010-06-27T09:31:00.001+10:00

{good title for my first book i reckon}

"you may have the universe if i may have italy" - giuseppe verdi

2010-06-25T09:22:00.000+10:00

not much happening today. a bit of a lie in, a light breaky, a trip to italy. you know, just your average friday...except that actually it's a pretty FREAKIN' AMAZING FRIDAY!

the boy and i have packed our bags (well, presumably. i wrote this pre-pack but since i scheduled it to publish just before we board the plane, i'm thinking we've put a few things in a suitcase by now) and we're off to explore "the boot" for four glorious weeks.

we'll land in rome tomorrow and the next four weeks will look a little something like this...

{positano}

{regional tuscany}

{no, wait. wrong florence}

{that's better}

{siena}

{venice}

{milan}

{cinque terre}

oh, what a wondrous month lies ahead.

the main purpose is to see this wonderful gal marry her equally wonderful guy in tuscany. and i can't think of a better excuse to travel italy.

aside from a few scheduled posts to keep camelshoes ticking, it'll be a little quiet here until late july. i am veering off the technology highway while i am gone and indulging in nothing but delicious food, a delirious luuurve. i can think of few things better. i'll make up for it by telling you about all the different gelato flavours i tried when i return.

ciao

to this outfit i say...

2010-06-21T14:32:00.003+10:00

...yes please.

what a spectacular sky...

2010-06-14T16:53:00.001+10:00

...and we get to live underneath it every single day.

keep calm and carry on...or words to that effect

2010-06-10T09:57:00.000+10:00

i thought it would be kind of cool to read alice in wonderland. i saw it reviewed on first tuesday book club ages ago and found the idea of revisiting a childhood classic charming.

so i bought it and tucked in but i never found my rhythm. i'd snap out of a thought and realise i have just read five pages without 'hearing' a thing. this just happens sometimes and isn't necessarily an indication of the story's quality. still, i've since stopped reading alice and moved on to we need to talk about kevin which, as an aside, is so far brilliant.

i will quite likely return to alice. i'll have to start again and make a better effort to get involved. i think i owe it to author lewis carroll since he, through his alice, most kindly came up with these spectacular words:

...but it's no use

going back

to yesterday because

i was a different

person then...

this quote resonated with me instantly and has, among other things, helped me find a way forward from portions of my past which had previously held me back. i love words for having that power.

and you? words to live by? quotes which inspire?

from where i'd rather be

2010-06-07T13:59:00.002+10:00

it sure is winter here.

but, in less than three weeks we'll be escaping the chill for the italian sun.

sunshine and sunshine-related activities rock my world.

SATC2: the verdict

2010-06-04T09:27:00.004+10:00

{trite}

{cheesy}

{void of plot}

{absolutely. awful}

have you seen it yet? what did you think? anyone willing to give it two thumbs up?

the perfect weather for a cosy coffee

2010-05-31T09:11:00.002+10:00

{he looks so content}

{i'm off to drown in the morning's coffee myself}

adieu, adieu

2010-05-28T08:13:00.003+10:00

dearest hannah...

welcome to camelshoes.

i don't tell people about this place. well, not in so many words. and not in any amount of words when it comes to colleagues.

no real reason. i am not in any way ashamed of what can be found here. but it's simply not something i often advertise.

but i am going to tell you about it today - your last day at work - because this post is a little space for me to bid you farewell with a few key tips ahead of your huge adventure.

no, no. none of that carpe diem stuff. you know how to seize the day already and you certainly don't need some chick you met eight months ago getting all preachy mcpreacho on you. but you do need to know where to get a flat white because, i tell you, london has no freaking idea.

this place is a good start...

in fact, after about a month of trying, soho's flat white became the only place i bothered ordering its namesake. elsewhere i just opted for a latte. no big deal. but it's still hit and miss. unlike in australia where i will avoid them like the ~~massive cliche~~ plague, i tended to veer towards chains like pret and costa. i still stayed away from starbucks.

now, i know you like a good breakfast. me too. although in my sleepy world it's known as brunch. and i promise i have never ever eaten better scrambled eggs then when my mate cam took me to ottolenghi for a birthday treat.

i never did get there for dinner, which i regret (as much as you can really regret something so trivial). give it a whirl and report back, will you?

still on food (surprise!), make sure you taste test your way around the amazing borough markets. yum yum. and while we're talking markets, spitalfields, camden and portobello should all be on your to-do list. while you're on portobello road, duck into the hummingbird bakery for a red velvet cupcake. you can thank me later.

okay, let's wash all that junk food down. wine time. i only got here a couple of times but i can't think of a better place to recommend than gordon's. if it's a martini you're after, it's dukes - but that's a tip i've stolen right from the boy's mouth. he's the 'tini doyen. beer? that's what you'd usually catch me drinking and i would have probably been at keston lodge, the old queen's head or the hoxton. they're really just local faves rather than must-sees but hey, why not?

oh, i forgot about the gordon's picture. look...

so, i've covered eating, drinking and a bit of shopping (ps: urban outfitters, reiss, top shop) which pretty much sums up my london experience. you've seen a world map so don't need my travel advice and you can delve into the lonely planet for all the church slash museum slash gallery info (although i do highly recommend the TATE modern) you need.

needless to say, this doesn't even scratch the surface of what london had to offer. have the time of your life exploring. we'll miss your smile.

joy: best enjoyed by jumping

2010-05-24T14:10:00.000+10:00

jesus is the best now buy me a cow

2010-05-19T12:31:00.001+10:00

i am really hating facebook.

i know, i know. it's the mandatory bash facebook post. and it's been a long time coming people. but now, like never before, facebook makes me want to cry.

"so, delete your account".

pretty darn simple isn't it? but i can't. i just can't bring myself to pull the trigger. for all the things i hate about facebook...

the time i waste on it
the ignorant/racist/stupid/embarrassing status updates which oft grace my news feed
the tagging of un-tag-worthy photos by inconsiderate friends
the pressure to reply at pace to messages and wall postings
the increasingly alarming stories re security like this one)

...there is something stopping me giving it the flick.

put simply, for me, there are three types of friends on facebook. my real friends who i speak to and see often enough to make our facebook relationship redundant. my 'i met you once' friends who i never speak to, ever, leaving me apathetically baffled as to why they would request my 'friendship' in the first place. again, redundant.

but then there's the inbetweeners. facebook friends whose phone numbers i do not have and, truth be told, i would probably not ring if i did. friends who i might not have seen in years. friends who might live on the other side of the world. friend who, although we'll likely never see each other, i am happy if not grateful to have some form of contact with.

if i delete my facebook account, i'll surely loose touch with those people. it's hard enough fitting the a-team into my spare time.

i think though i am pretty close to bailing on the ol' FB. and as more and more people do so, it will be easier for me to play sheep (no, not farmville: i'm an adult). for now i've decided hiding is the new culling. it's working out for me.

are you still on facebook? how's it working out for you?

oh sun, please come back

2010-05-17T08:45:00.001+10:00

{ it's drizzly today}

{wish my monday looked more like this}

someday i'll fly away

2010-05-10T09:08:00.002+10:00

{luuurving birdcages at the moment. not sure why}

{this image poached from the lovely daydream lily}

nawww, for me? really? you shouldn't have...

2010-05-07T09:27:00.000+10:00

...but hey, i am totally stoked you did.

readers, meet alexis. alexis gave me this.

so thank you, first of all. the validation rocks my world. and before i play along, allow me to return the kudos. alexis is the author of depressions and confessions and does a damn fine job if you ask me. she's wonderfully honest, for starters. add witty, smart, open...well, she certainly keeps me reading.

to the rules. i have to tell you seven things about me that you don't know. well, i've already told you 100 random things but i reckon i could ~~steal some of those~~ scrape together seven more. here goes...

1. i don't buy peanut butter because i am an addict.

2. reading the comments sections of online newspapers hurts my heart. people are ignorant, bitter, nasty. yet i continue to skim almost daily.

3. when i was in year 3, my friend and i liked the same boy. he said he'd go out with whoever bought him the best present. that afternoon i spent all my money on a ninja turtle rubber. i won. we went out for one entire day.

4. i wake up tired every single morning yet i never, ever want to go to bed at night.

5. i am moving on sunday. my flatmates think it's because a room in my best friend's house is being vacated but really, i just cannot possibly stand to live with one of my flatmates any longer. he talks complete shit, is cluelessly chauvinistic and, worst of all, watches (and records) two and a half men ad nauseam.

6. my plan, since i have so much control over the matter, is one boy and one girl. full stop. it doesn't need to be in that order. twins would be welcome. i'll go in for the third if we haven't had one of each. yes, i do realise there's another person's plans slash dreams to consider. but hey, my blog, my 'seven things'.

7. the scar above my left eye is from being punched in the head when i was 17. the idea of one girl punching another makes me cringe. it's for the most bogan of bogans but hey, i grew up in wagga wagga (and received the face fist in gundagai). needless to say, i didn't punch back. i did, however, head straight to hospital for four stitches which made me look like i'd never been introduced to a pair of tweezers.

and now i get to pass it on.

there are lots of beautiful blogs in my life. but today i choose to pass this award on to jandy of alis volat propriis. jandy won me over with her honesty (so do most...it's an attribute i value highly). but most of all, i find jandy's efforts to unleash her happier self inspire me to do the same.

so thank you, jands...and to all the other beautiful blogs which, for whatever reason, make me smile.

two years, many tales

2010-05-03T09:30:00.002+10:00

wow. co-winky dink. there's this blog 'thing' going around at the mo, in my circles at least, in which bloggers are reposting their first ever post. today (saturday) i was tagged. but this post, which i wrote yesterday (friday), is scheduled for monday. two birds, one stone. thanks to pink patent mary janes for the tag.

it's been two years since i sat down and wrote this. a rather bland introduction to camelshoes. or, as it was then: i think, therefore i blog.

i don't make a habit of back-reading my stuff but it's certainly interesting to have a bo-peep every now and then. we've certainly been through a lot, camelshoes and i.

{a draining heartbreak, a peruvian escape}

{a scary confession, a new book obsession}

{a complete breakdown, a miraculous turnaround}

{a man who stole my heart, my inspiration for a fresh start}

thanks to all who have, do and will follow(ed) the ride. it means a hellava lot. i hope you're as curious as me to find out what the next two years brings.*

much love...

*actually, it would be a little weird if you were as curious as me about what lies ahead in my life...let's just say i hope you look forward to reading about it.

love is a many-splendored thing

2010-04-28T09:45:00.002+10:00

love.

i love love.

and i should, because i'm in it. but that's not what this is about.

lately i've been thinking how truly wonderful it is. not to be in love, as such (although that is spectacularly grand) but just love. how it works. how it ignites. how it makes the world go 'round.

i don't have the data on this, but i reckon most people in this world, at some stage or another, get to experience love. wondrous, all-consuming love. many, in fact, get to experience it more than once.

and there are a lot of dickheads in the world.

but that's the beauty of it all. one women's dickhead is another woman's catch.

i am not trying to be funny about this. i really do think it's amazing how there's a right person - or perhaps a handful of right people depending on what you believe in - for everyone.

it'd be a pretty boring world if every single guy fell in love with miranda kerr and every gal was heads over heels for matthew mcconaughey. for starters, most people would lose out because they'd be married to each other. boo.

the fact is, there are women in this world who are: smarter than me, better looking than me, funnier than me, nicer than me blah blah blah. so why doesn't my boy go and find one of them?

because he's in love with me. and i'm in love with him. and that's how it works. and it's the best.

and we think our love is better than everyone else's. and everyone else in love thinks the same thing.

how wonderful.

don't you think?

i will be forever humbled

2010-04-26T10:52:00.001+10:00

{thank you}

cheesecakey oreo goodness

2010-04-23T09:30:00.002+10:00

i like beautiful photos. they're often of beautiful girls with beautiful clothes and, i've noticed lately, there's often a slice of beautiful, strategically-placed sunlight.

speaking of slices, i like cake. and chocolate. and cookies. and ice cream. and anything that even resembles dessert.

here's a beautiful photo. of dessert.

ahh, yeh. i'm speechless too. lucky i have a keyboard.

when i saw this photo somewhere in the depth of the www, i followed the trail. i followed and followed until i discovered the recipe for these little gems comes to you courtesy of martha stewart.

being australian, all i really know about martha is oprah loves (maybe loved?) her and she used to be in jail. but anyone who combines oreos with cheesecake is okay by me.

so anyway, i made these - all under the guise of contributing to easter celebrations. here's how.

ingredients - makes 30
42 oreos - 30 left whole, 12 coarsely chopped
2 pounds cream cheese, room temperature
1 cup sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
4 large eggs, room temperature, lightly beaten
1 cup sour cream
pinch of salt

method
1. preheat oven to 135 degrees celcius (275 degrees fahrenheit). line standard muffin tins with paper liners. place 1 whole cookie in the bottom of each lined cup.

2. with an electric mixer on medium high speed, beat cream cheese until smooth, scraping down sides of bowl as needed. gradually add sugar and beat until combined. beat in vanilla.

3. drizzle in eggs, a bit at a time, beating to combine and scraping down the sides of the bowl as needed. beat in sour cream and salt. stir in chopped cookies by hand.

4. divide batter evenly among cookie-lined cups, filling each almost to the top. bake, rotating pan halfway through, until filling is set, for about 22 minutes. transfer to wire racks to cool completely. refrigerate at least 4 hours (or up to overnight). remove from tins just before serving.

okay so firstly, freaking yum!!! but that was a given. this recipe did make more like 40 than 30 so next time i will definitely halve it. i also left them in the oven for more like 30 minutes. not sure if that made a diff.

ultimately, this was super easy and not too many fussy ingredients which i like. it has meant additional visits to the gyms but, totally worth it!

lisa needs braces...dental plan...lisa needs braces

2010-04-21T07:32:00.000+10:00

my name's not lisa and i don't need braces. my name's kate and i want them.

mmm, actually i don't want braces.

i really, really, really, really don't want braces.

i want my teeth to miraculously become perfect overnight.

but since that's not going to happen, i oh-so-reluctantly 'want' braces.

i've wanted them for ages but have just never had the guts to take the leap. it's not only an expensive exercise but it's a little tough on my superficial side. see, i kinda don't want to look like this.

when you're in year eight and you have braces, i am sure it sucks. but at least half your friends are in the same boat. and your parents had to fork out the dosh.

it's a little harder to swallow at 29 years old.

but i think i have to do it. hating my smile has hugely negative ramifications. namely, ahhh, not wanting to smile.

not wanting to smile is a terrible way to feel because, in fact, i love smiling for what it represents. happiness, fun, laughter - all those great things.

but, in nine out of 10 photos, i look like this:

{i'm the brunny. the blonde? that's my wonderful, wonderful dre}

that is a calculated effort not to show my teeth. if my teeth are showing in a pic i'm probably drunk - although even then i tend to remember to keep my mouth shut.

it's pretty damn silly. but it's not something i've been able to shake and the fact is, there's a solution.

so, i've got to do it. i guess. do i? eh. i do. i think i do. it's just a matter of biting the bullet i suppose. and saving some cash.

watch this space.

gimme a head with hair. long, beautiful hair

2010-04-19T09:51:00.001+10:00

{stunning}

so, like, do you have a girlfriend? dot com

2010-04-14T07:34:00.002+10:00

i work in the sports media industry. this means, for completely legitimate reasons, i often need to google football players' names. and every time i do - every. single. time - the same thing happens.

and it's fucking embarrassing.

go and try it. google 'rhyce shaw' as i've just done. google 'johnathan thurston' as i then did to see if my theory was right. try pretty much any other sportsman you can think of and i bet, nine times out of 10, the second google suggestion (or whatever they're called) is that players' name followed by the word girlfriend.

correct me if i am wrong, but doesn't that mean "name" plus "girlfriend" is the most popular search relating to said name in the WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD? no really, correct me if i'm wrong, because the following rant may be completely redundant.

so, instead of "cowboys", "north queensland", "halfback", "dally m", "bulldogs", "rugby league", "news", "pictures", etc etc etc, the most common thing people want to know is whether johnathan thurston (rhyce shaw, jarryd hayne, matt giteau, shane watson blah blah) has a girlfriend.

at this point i feel i must say thank you, skanks of the world, for your contribution to the continued degradation of women across the globe.

BUT WAIT!!! i found a silver lining.

i was a bit worried i had the whole drop-down meaning wrong so i saved this post as a draft and threw the question out to my twitter and facey buddies. not only did i confirm that yes, the drop-down options are popular searches, but i was directed to this hilarious site. auto complete me dot com, the home of pearlers such as:

go and have a look. while you're at it, laugh.

let's explore this world together

2010-04-12T19:16:00.006+10:00

i haven't mentioned 100 layer cake before. it's been down there, to the right a little, on my blogroll, but i've not directed you to it. well, if you're anything like me, you should check it out. and by "like me", in this instance, i mean a lover of:

beautiful style
stunning photos
all things wedding
the look of love

i spend a little time there every couple of weeks. it warms my heart. here's a few more pretty 100lc pics for you, to make up for last monday's photo-less post.

stupid arse

2010-04-09T10:37:00.001+10:00

i told you i still had my low moments.

currently suffering big time following the realisation that this ah-maze-ing outfit will never be mine.

sorry about the mini pic. tried to enlarge, but the quality went AWOL

firstly, i can't find it. seems odd that the front cover of the asos mag doesn't seem to be available to purchase. more likely, i am just a bit useless*.

secondly, and most importantly, i thought this was a to-die-for jacket and had decided i would own it at any cost. but, upon closer inspection, i think it's actually a dress.

i still love it.

adore it.

but i could never wear it.

sadness.

* can you be a 'bit useless'? probably not.

look...words!

2010-04-05T15:46:00.008+10:00

disclaimer: camelshoes lives. and will continue to do so in the foreseeable future.

i've been copping it from a few angles lately. the whole 'more-writing-on-camelshoes-please' thing. and i get it. there's been more pictures than words here lately and really, i am a words girl so it is odd.

mmm, to explain...

i've been busy, sure. living in this city is very time consuming. between work, the commute and my commitment to the gym (which is hugely important to me, it has to be) i've found myself with less spare time than ever before. add to the mix a boyfriend who lives 30 minutes away and a handful of must-see friends and time is so very precious.

but, ultimately, i don't really think it's a time thing.

i'm not quite sure how to explain it. i guess, completely subconsciously, i've found myself trying to abide by a 'less talk, more action' mantra.

i think long-time readers would agree, some of my best writing (here) has been inspired by some pretty low times. from somewhere, somehow, i found the courage last year to start using camelshoes as an emotional outlet and i was gobsmacked by the result. i received amazing support and mostly positive, entirely constructive feedback. best of all, it really was free therapy for me.

i finally had a place to let go of my thoughts. thoughts which, when bottled up, had been soul-destroying. thoughts i had been incapable of sharing vocally.

i can not believe the progress i've made during the past 12 months.

because of this, though, i don't have anywhere near as many dark moments. instead, i am busy doing things which make me smile.

oh, what a massive wank; i hear you cry. yeh, i know. but fuck it because it's true and it's awesome.

i most certainly still have low times. i imagine, like most of us, i always will. but i guess i am getting better at shaking things off which means writing about it feels less like a release and more like unnecessary dwelling.

as for the good times, the great times, the fun times: i prefer to keep living them than stop and write about them. plus, read back through my archives and you'll find i've never been one for 'today i did this, yesterday i did that' type blog posts. mostly because i can't imagine who would care. sure, there are plenty of people who don't care about my hurdle-laden search for a psychologist or tears shed over ex-boyf. but there are also those who've benefited from relating to my tales of crazy and that means a lot to me.

so, where does this leave us? i guess i am not sure but what i can tell you is:

i have no intention of putting camelshoes to bed.

i also have every intention of improving the words to pictures ratio. i am a writer and have plenty to say whether i am suffering or not.

like me, this blog is in a constant state of development. i love the idea that camelshoes is, in so many ways, a tangible tracker of my personal growth.

i really hope, whether i am happy or sad, talkative or photo-friendly, you continue to read and enjoy camelshoes because the support of every single reader and follower means more to me than i could ever tell you.

ps: no pictures, only words to mark this eleventy-fourth edition of blogtography mondays. as bartholemew j would say; 'the ironing is delicious'.

go forth and eat chocolate

2010-04-04T09:20:00.002+10:00

- a very happy easter everyone -

- forget waistlines, diets, gyms, size-8 dreams -

- the guilt is exhausting and chocolate is happiness -

- my challenge is to learn to take my own advice -

i feel pretty, oh so pretty (she seemed to say)

2010-03-29T11:33:00.003+11:00

{an unacceptably low amount of words have featured on this blog of late}

{i have grand plans to rectify}

{in the meantime, i hope you've enjoyed the visual consolations}

hb 2 me

2010-03-24T08:07:00.007+11:00

i am going to keep this short.

it's my way of being laissez faire about my birthday because, you know, it's cooler that way.

so, today i am 29.

in a way, that freaks me out. i can't believe how fast it's happened. at this rate, i'll be 60 in the blink of an eye.

but, while 60 scares me, i embrace the looming 30s.

and i look hugely forward to the final year of my 20s.

it's going to be big. i can tell.

ps: how good would dinner - with your favourites - at that table be? awesome town.

no subtext. just a powerful picture.

2010-03-22T11:22:00.001+11:00

take five

2010-03-15T09:08:00.002+11:00

speaking of roads, one of my absolute favourite things to do right now is play Mowgli's Road (check it out below) as loud as possible in the zoom zoom and belt it out as if i am marina, or perhaps one of her diamonds.

i also love her top. her limbs, not so much.

uploaded while boy plays samson to me down the phone. wow, i love him. also, writing possibly the longest post title ever. look. it's so long.

2010-03-11T22:53:00.005+11:00

i've never posted so soon after finding inspiration.

but i laughed so hard when i saw this. so hard.

i had to show you straight away. laugh with me, won't you?

from the where-i'd-rather-be files

2010-03-08T09:52:00.003+11:00

eh, monday. i'm not feeling it. if only i had this kind of set up to go home to.

unpacking boxes, unleashing tears

2010-03-02T21:18:00.009+11:00

it's been brought to my attention this post is uncharacteristically long. for the time-poor, skip the first five pars. i take forever to get to the point. always.

it feels almost foreign to sit and blog. it seems like ages since i've done any real sit-and-type-your-thoughts kind of writing. i guess it hasn't really been that long. i've certainly gone longer. but maybe because it wasn't an option - because my computer wasn't with me, and then it was broken - that i felt more withdrawn.

anyway, here i am. work laptop at the ready, although not at work (which is important to note, in case any colleagues stumble across camelshoes).

i noted a week or so back a couple of things i wanted to 'discuss' here. one was my recent relocation. i always find it a little difficult to be completely raw when writing about something that didn't just happen but let's give it a shot. plus, there's a decent reason why this is actually quite relevant to now - or at least tomorrow. watch this space.

so, yeh, i moved. i found a place in sydney which seemed to tick all the boxes - except for the reasonable rent box which i don't think any house/unit/flat/bungalow/shed in sydney ticks - and moved in last month.

all went well apart from the fact that it didn't. the removalist truck broke down for one. they also failed to communicate this fact and we only found out when we chased them with a 'where are you?' call. so they arrived in sydney six days after they picked up on the gold coast. but really, that was no biggie.

the next fun part was when i sat down on my bedroom floor to call the boy and all of the slats from my bed, plus the metal rods which make up the frame, fell from a vertical position on to my head with a gust of dumbarse wind. man, that hurt. but more than that, it really shook me. i gave up on moving for the night and had a sleepover.

but the real drama came a couple of days later. it was a saturday and it was earmarked as the big set-up-shop day. the day i would pretty much dedicate to unpacking my life.

i don't actually mind this job. packing up is crap but unpacking can be fun, at least for a while. deciding where things should live, turning an empty space into a cosy retreat. i was getting through the boxes pretty quickly until i came across 'that box'.

you probably know the kind. quite small. decorative. and, if you're like me, full of 'keepers'. cards, notes, letters, photos - bits and pieces that, at one time or another, were worthy of cherishing forever.

i usually go through this box with every move. it's nostalgic, heart-warming. this time...well, it was certainly nostalgic but i'd say more heart-breaking.

the box, as it was probably the last five times i've moved, was full of keepsakes from my ex. i knew what was ahead of me as soon as i opened it. yet i trawled through. i didn't read a lot of it in depth, i couldn't. and i didn't need to, i was blubbering anyway.

and, you know, i don't even know why exactly.

we broke up more than two years ago. although it was gut-wrenching, i don't regret it and i am pretty sure he doesn't either. it was the right decision. we've both moved on. we're both happy.

but i guess that doesn't mean i don't miss him. we spent more than six year together, i think it would probably be odd if i didn't. i wish he could be part of my 'new' life but i know that's just too hard.

i think though, what really got me that day, was reading some of the words we'd written to each other over the years. we were so in love and so sure. it scares me that you can be sure but wrong at the same time.

drowning in cathartic tears, i wondered what the hell i was supposed to do with it all. and i am still wondering. i don't really want to throw it out. our relationship was a huge and defining part of my life. but i don't want it to upset me again and i also don't want to be holding on to something if i have to let it go.

what do you think? no really, i want to know.

oh, i forgot to tell you why this is relevant. i am going to see him tomorrow. we live in different cities now but we still work in the same industry and our jobs will bring us together, probably not for the last time. it will be fine. an odd combination of lovely and awkward to see him. wish me luck.

white out, green in

2010-03-01T14:04:00.002+11:00

detox starts tomorrow. i blame barbie.

a dead tree and a stick of ink

2010-02-24T15:23:00.005+11:00

wow, i am really stooping. i brought my laptop home after a weekend at the boy's house and logged on tonight* for the first time in months. seriously, it was getting its dust on.

the grand plan was to bash out one of the two promised posts. logging on was a breeze (my password's way too foolproof to forget), connecting to the server a cinch - but do you think my piece-of-crap laptop would actually open internet explorer? well, the answer's no and you don't get a prize if you managed to crack that code.

all the tosh-shit-ba could muster was an indecipherable fail message which took about 27,653 clicks to close.

mmm, to send or not to send error report? as if it makes a lick of difference.

dammit, my computer is nowhere near old enough or cheap enough to be shitting itself.

aaaaanyway, all that to tell you that here i am, writing these words with a pen. AN ACTUAL PEN! have you ever heard of anything so crazy?

i am so reluctant to delve into either of the posts i have planned - mostly because they might be long and it's going to be really annoying to transfer this tomorrow. then again, i seem to get a unique flow on when i'm writing ol' school style so perhaps i should take advantage. then again (again), it's almost midnight and i was stupidly tired at work today.

mmm, i might leave it. but since this is the second consecutive post that's said essentially nothing (and i missed blogtography monday, did you notice?), i'm going to leave you with a little something.

i found this yesterday and saved it immediately with camelshoes in mind. it requires no introduction. i think it speaks for itself.

OMG, it's JUST occurred to me i could have written this in word, saved it on a floppy disk (in keeping with the pen and paper theme) and transferred. idiot. as we've discussed.

* last night

post title goes here

2010-02-19T13:36:00.006+11:00

hi. 'sup? sorry about the absence lately. i don't like neglecting camelshoes but, then again, absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

i have two excuses. one: busy, busy week or two at work. which i like, btw. but it means i haven't had time to think about much else. two, my laptop's at the boy's house. i've had heaps of thoughts but no tool to transfer them onto the screen and into blogland. ps: i am not blogging on my blackberry. i can hardly text on that thing.

i do have some posts in the pipeline. some, as usual, will never make the cut but i will promise you the following:

a post on hindsight and why it both rocks my world and shits me to tears. anxious, irrational tears.
a post on moving house and the emotional stuff inside 'that' box.

right now, i am not committing to anything. the boy is more swamped than me with work at the moment and he has to fit study into his day. this means i don't see him anywhere near as much as i used to which, in turn, means i am soaking up as much of him as i can today.

we have a date with the couch, scrubs and a couple of zooper doopers. bags the pink one.

so as not to leave you with this ridiculously lame post, here's something i've been wanting to say to the world for a while...

gym gloves. i own some. they serve a purpose. i usually wear them if i'm doing a body pump or general weights. but, to the chicks (they're always chicks) who wear them in body combat classes i say to you: "eeeeeeeeerhhhhhhhen". combat instructors wear gloves so participants get a good, solid view of their hands. why do you wear them? does the air hurt?

baby's first whiskers

2010-02-15T11:44:00.000+11:00

how sweet it is

2010-02-14T09:37:00.002+11:00

happy valentine's day all.

i am not a complete sap for february 14 but i see no harm in a little celebration of love. so don't grinch my v-day, okay.

i mean, you've got to admit, love (actually) is pretty damn spectacular.

see?

why am i such a dickhead?

2010-02-11T11:06:00.012+11:00

that post title is totally harsh. i am not a dickhead (well, sometimes i am, but not for the reasons i am about to delve into). and wow, i've managed to digress before i've even started. why am i such a dickhead? ha, would you look at that. full circle.

aaaaanyway...

yesterday i broke down. well, not me. my car. harry the yari. i rounded the corner and harry slowed to a crawl. then a standstill. fuck it! that would normally be damn stressful. dead cars usually equal cash hemorrhage. but i knew why my car was dead and it was only going to cost me a little pride.

and a $17 jerrycan.

my petrol light had started flashing about 12 hours earlier. but i stand by the fact i normally get a good two days' worth of driving out of that epilepsy inducer. still, why risk it? see blog title for answer.

i called nrma and said sweetly: 'ahhh, you know how i am not a member? if i joined, would you be able to come and save me straight away?' conveniently, the answer was yes. inconveniently, the annual membership would have cost me more then double. i politely declined and bailed up a colleague because, thankfully, i wasn't far from work and it was lunchtime.

thank you johnno.

then last night i was driving home after dinner with friends. (yummy dinner, btw. sydney siders, try the spanish fly. but stay away from the profiteroles). about 10 minutes into the drive i realised my lights weren't on. that's probably the third time i've done that since i've been back in oz (about four months). i cannot remember ever doing this previously. not even once.

am i getting dumber? no, really, am i? because, when i think about it, it kind of scares me. i am barely clinging to 28. still, to me, that's not anywhere near old enough for the mind to start deteriorating.

i do realise i am being a little dramatic here. i am sure many people have run out of petrol or driven at night sans lights. but it's just that i feel a lot of this stuff is creeping into my life lately.

i searched high and low for that skirt which doesn't need ironing. high and freaking low. in the end, it was sitting on the bed...exactly where i would have put it myself minutes earlier in prep for wearing.

within seconds of being asked to give x to y at work last week, i forgot to give x to y.

and right now, i am trying to think of other examples of my fading brain, which i know exist, and can't. but hey, at least that gives me another example.

if i was always a bit daft, then i think i'd feel differently. but it's new stupidity and it's got me worried. to take the drama a step further, i can't help but wonder whether this kind of behaviour is connected in any way to dementia later in life. because, damn, that's a place i really don't want my brain to go.

but hey, let's laugh while we can.

mmm, i'm being way too dramatic, aren't i?

i'm really sorry markus...

2010-02-10T09:47:00.003+11:00

...but the messenger kinda sucked.

in case you've missed all of the 18 million times i've mentioned it, the book thief by markus zusak is the most amazing read of all time (according to me, of course). so i was excited but nervous to give the messenger a crack.

i've just finished it*. i closed the cover on the final page and exhaled a little 'eh'. it was so uninspiring. which couldn't be further from how the book thief made me feel.

and i guess that's part of the problem. the expectation. but while i certainly had high hopes, i never thought it would, never thought it could, match the book thief.

the thing is, the messenger was still superbly written. i was continuously struck by zusak's unique style. his blatant risks. but the story line was so....juvenile.

then i wondered: did zusak intended for me to read the messenger?

see, the book thief was billed as a novel for young adults. i didn't know this before i read it which is good because it would have turned me off. instead i was inspired to the core. it's just so damn amazing.

a quick wiki search and i found the problem. the messenger, a multi-award winner might i add, is a children's book.

ahhh, thanks for sharing, markus.

on the surface, nothing about this book - it's cover, it's marketing, it's prime position at borders - indicated i was barking up the wrong tree. and i am disappointed because the cynical me reckons that was calculated. that it was a ploy to rake in cash off the back of the book thief.

and hey, i'm sure it's working and making you big bucks. but is it worth harming zusak's reputation? mmmm.

i can't even be bothered reviewing this. why relive when it was such a bland experience in the first place? i have moved on and alice in wonderland is the beneficiary.

if i want to read a children's book, i'll do it properly, thank you very much.

*where just equals weeks ago.

looks like ross geller was right

2010-02-08T09:58:00.000+11:00

has anyone ever told you...?

2010-02-05T09:53:00.003+11:00

facebook says it's doppelgänger week. and if facebook says it's doppelgänger week, well godammit, it must be doppelgänger week.

karls here took this info and ran with it which i thought was a good enough idea to steal. thanks pal.

i've been told i look like a few famous people in my time. i also believe there's a not-so-famous person traipsing around sydney who looks like my twin. and i look heaps like my sisters. apparently.

i don't see it but you never do, do you?

anyway, chase cutting. most recently i've been told i look like rachel stevens.

rachel who? yeh, i know. that's what i said. best known for s club 7 although she's still pretty famous in london, where i kept (does four times count as kept) getting told i looked like her.

of course, this picture is completely hot and looks nothing like me. but when you google search someone famous, you tend to get all their portfolio type shots. anyway, i kept scrolling in search of something more natural and found this puppy:

yeh, still not seeing it.

next up:

yeh, blonde. i know. but the clarification is always that i look like a brunette version of kristen bell. actually, i am spinning the facts. i have never been told i look like kristen bell. i have, on a number of occasions, been told i look like veronica mars though.

then i went blonde for a while and the comparisons increased.

i'm still not seeing it and ps: i am totally taking the piss in this photo, in case you thought i was one of 'those' girls.

anyway, i've also been told i look like neve campbell and missy higgins, but not enough times to warrant a photo tribute.

i have, however, been told i look like this spunk rat numerous times.

but her fashion sense is way better than mine. that's about it for me. but there one more thing. one thing i must share. it's about the boy. or, more specifically, the boy's doppelgänger. hell-o henry ramsy.

a day later: the more i look at that veronica mars pic, the more i freak out. i can totally see me in that now.

mmm, crunchy

2010-02-03T09:48:00.003+11:00

i don't write much about sport anymore. well, i guess i never really did. here that is. i think it's a hangover from my previous life as a sports journalist. it just feels too much like work when i start getting my sports yarn on.

but a couple of issues from the wide world of sports have evoked...well...grrrr, in me lately. i'll share.

firstly, fucking pakistan. the cricket team, not the country. they've been embarrassed in both the test and one-day series here in australia. but that's not a problem. why would it be? of course, i want australia to win and, to be fair, pakistan are struggling a little and i have a soft spot for any underdog.

well, almost any underdog.

based almost solely on captain mohammed yousuf, i couldn't care less about pakistan's plight. that man is an arrogant twat. he led that team dreadfully. he placed outrageously questionable fields. he showed no fighting spirit.

and then this.

that's shahid afridi and yes, he's biting the fucking ball. he replaced yousuf as captain in the final one-dayer and, like yousuf, led by example. that's is if the example you aimed to set is how to blatantly cheat.

i seem to get a few american readers here at camelshoes and i know you guys don't do cricket. a quick lesson. like baseball, it's a bonus if the bowler (pitcher) can get the ball to spin (curve). unlike baseball, a cricket ball, more often than not, will bounce before it reaches the batsman - so, by biting the ball, afridi is manufacturing spin. or cheating. it's known as ball tampering.

it's done. but it's usually a sneaky because it's, you know, against the rules.

this dickhead just bit the ball like it was a fucking apple. in front of a live crowd, the working media and a national television audience.

post-match, afridi told a journalist he did not put the ball in his mouth.

"no, i was trying to smell it and see how it was feeling," he said.

when the journo suggested teeth are not used for smelling, afridi responded: "sometimes you can do".

from one dickhead to the next. hi willie.

it's just weeks until the 2010 NRL season kicks off but this guy's still desperately looking for a club because he's been burning bridges everywhere he goes.

i didn't really care about his plight, until now. the cowboys, my cowboys, have now expressed an interest in signing the hulking forward.

willie mason is nothing more than a trouble-making egomaniac. the cowboys already have one of those.

johnathan thurston might be (arguably) the best player in the world, but he's the worst thing for that team, in my humble opinion.

if the cowboys sign willie, i don't think i'll have it in me to maintain my support. and i don't think i'll be alone. let that be a warning to you, nq.

blog-draw-graphy mondays

2010-02-01T11:31:00.002+11:00

yeh, okay. not exactly a photo. but it's so cute and it's still a

picture so let's all agree to roll with it. okay? good.

nomnomnomnommmmm

2010-01-29T10:40:00.005+11:00

DISCLAIMER: i am re-reading this and trying to work out whether mum bloggers are going to get the shits. instead of delete things i have already written, i will just say, i don't think poorly of mums who blog. i like good writers regardless of what they do. there are plenty of great blogs written by mums. i'm just not at the "baby's first steps" stage of my life so don't always relate.

scrolling through the blog world, i find about 90 per cent of blogs fall into two categories: mums and cooks. nothing wrong with that. just an observation.

for me though, as a reader, mum blog rarely hook me. i mean, if you're a wonderful writer with some sass about you, and you happen to be a mum, you could win me over. but if you're just talking about first steps, words and other cute-sy stuff, all power to you but i'm just not interested.

as for the cooking blogs, i'll usually have a bit of a scroll until a pretty dessert catches my eye. i'll suss out the ingredients and, 10 times out of 10, move on without taking any notes. still, they get a few minutes out of me which isn't bad in blog terms.

on that note, i decided i wanted to share a recipe with you. i'll never be the author of a cooking blog. i'm a foodie, but it's more the eating than the preparing for me. it's not that i don't cook, or don't enjoy it, it's just that i am time poor and find myself prioritising other things.

that's why this recipe suits. it's so damn quick and easy. not to mention scrumptious. and yes, i can call it my recipe because i altered the original to better suit me. straw clutching. i know.

so, to make my peppermint slice you'll need:
3 x peppermint crisps
1 x packet of butternut cookies
1 x can condensed milk
1 x block cooking chocolate

and you'll need to:
blend the biscuits into crumbs
chop up the p. crisps
combine in a mixing bowl
add condensed milk and combine
line square/rectangular tin with baking paper
spoon mixture in, spread out etc etc
refrigerate. best to leave it overnight
melt the chocolate and cover
refrigerate.
cut into squares (or just pick up the whole slab and eat. eat. eat)

ps: it should look like this.

pps: the coolest thing about this recipe, my recipe, is that it features in an actual cookbook. it's called breathing life back into the kitchen. it's written by my auntie. it's awesome. and it's available in all wonderful book stores, other fantastic homewares stores or right here.

first day of school (oh my, don't they grow up fast?)

2010-01-28T09:23:00.001+11:00

a red delicious apple for the red, delicious teacher.

congratulations and all my love to you on your first day of school: teacher's edition.

i'm sure you felt a similar combination of nerves and excitement when you made your first classroom debut 25 years ago.

and i bet it took you a matter of seconds to feel at home among new friends and peers.

today won't be different.

you'll kill it. and you'll love it.

{and i'll love watching you love it}

running through the fields...

2010-01-25T09:03:00.004+11:00

...we never had a reason to be scared of things...

i can see your breakfast, sweetie

2010-01-22T12:59:00.009+11:00

i have just received confirmation that, yes, i am old.

i had a meeting. it was at the cafe up the road from the office. it required a 10 minute walk which turned out to take me through hundreds of youngens (and a few way-too-oldens) en route to the big day out.

i cursed my timing and pressed on. it was entertaining at least. but i've got to say, about 80 per cent of the girls (99 per cent of the skinny ones) were wearing jaw-droppingly little.

the most obvious trend was the short shorts. now, let's get one thing clear. i am a huge fan of short shorts. i own a few pairs and (when i am at my 'acceptable weight', which is about four kgs lighter than i am now) i wear them all.the.time.

but these aren't your regular short shorts. these are shorts that are cut, without a hint of exaggeration, like undies. not boyleg. not briefs. more like frenchies. check it.

okay, so most of them have nicer bums than this girl but still, you get my point. and i've got to say, this photo doesn't even do it justice.

and if you think that's a decent wedgie, there were plenty of cameltoes to be seen on the concourse today too.

what is it with young fashion these days? and who put the old woman's dress code in my brain?

but hey, live and let live, no harm, no foul and other cheesy proverbs.

you make me happy, when skies are grey

2010-01-20T10:03:00.005+11:00

it's a blog award. it was bestowed upon me by kellyansapana. thanks muchly.

the first rule of the Happy 101 award is to list 10 things that make me happy. so i shall do so. now.

one. it's the first thing that comes to mind and it's pretty darn obvious. it's the boy. he's wonderful for a million reasons. he makes me feel deliriously happy. he makes me feel completely safe. it's the best.

two. coffee. it's not the flavour or the caffeine. although those things are great. it's what coffee represents to me. it's comforting for one but, more significantly, for me it's about connecting. connecting to your own thoughts. connecting to your friends. one of life's most simple pleasures is sharing a coffee with a mate. some of the conversations i've had over a flat white or two have been...god, they've been so many things. important, necessary, memorable, hilarious, path-finding, life-changing. i feel similarly about red wine so i'll throw that in here rather than repeat myself below.

three. what came first, the laughter or the happiness? regardless, i'm claiming laughing as one of my top ten. how good is it? even when the time's not right for a joke, there's room for laughter.

four. writing. i couldn't stop writing if i tried. it's therapy. even when the words hurt, the benefits are enormous.

five. hanging. just chilling. doing not much of anything. but with the right people. mike is one. a significant one. but there are others. people who it's fun to be bored with. now that's a valuable friend.

six. shoes. i have never once uttered the words "do these shoes make me look fat?" happiness in a shoebox.

seven. presents. yeh, fuck it. i'll say it. getting presents is awesome. except when they're shit and i have to pretend they're great. that said, i honestly do find much happiness in giving presents as well. but only when i feel like i've nailed it.

eight. balance. between work and play, between busy and bored, between gym junkie and lazyface, between starving and glutinous, between pollyanna and eeyore. balance has been part of my life in short bursts but i'd like it to stick around. it's my pursuit of happiness.

nine. weddings. 'tis the season it seems with mike and i attending weddings left, right and centre. good thing i love them. it's just so nice to be part of such a special moment and i am a sucker for the whole love thing. plus, you get to play dressups and party without hitting the skanky city. even in my past life working in hospitality, i loved when the evening's function was a wedding reception. guests were generally very happy which was such a refreshing change from the corporate wanks we usually catered for.

ten. food. yeh, this could probably sit up there with coffee and red wine at number two but i didn't think of it then and now i need a number 10. i love food for flavour's sake. i am a sweet tooth but appreciate pretty much any flavour. although baby corn and beetroot can fuck right off. give me a tim tam slam any day. peanut butter on a spoon. mmm. and ice creeeeeeeeeeeeam. nomnomnom. mike's ah-maze-ing in the kitchen so i win there. but really, it's the sharing thing again.

so, a beautiful meal accompanied by a lovely red, shared with wonderful friends (including mike, of course) who all bring me presents and compliment me on my glorious shoes. add lots of laughter and perhaps some wedding talk. punctuate with perfectly prepared coffee and follow up with a blog post - well, that's happiness in a nutshell.

now, the second rule of the Happy 101 award is to pass it on to 10 bloggers. i am going to james dean that one because 10 is just too many. i will pay it forward though and i'm shooting it across to happy lan, a wonderful writer (among other things) whose blog deserves attention.

cheers, big ears.

i wish it was friday.

so simple, so hilarious

2010-01-18T09:30:00.001+11:00

hi anxiety, it's been a while

2010-01-14T12:57:00.004+11:00

i am feeling so damn blah today.

i know why. and, as usual i am going to be super ambiguous to avoid offending anyone. firstly, i've been accused of doing something horrible. apparently this horrible thing happened 10 years ago. i have absolutely no recollection of said horrible thing. so i find myself in an anxiety-filled no man's land between 'delivering profuse and heartfelt apology' and 'flat out defence of self'.

it doesn't sound like something i would do. and that feeling has been backed up by a second accusee. but shit i doth feel and i am having trouble shaking it.

icky, unshakable feeling under sternum exacerbated by recent discovery that hard work produced by me has been criticised behind my back. now, i've got to say, the criticism is so damn insignificant - and, in my opinion, well off the mark - but since i was already feeling like a sad cardboard robot standing in the rain, it's not helped.

anyway, i'm all anxious and shit. for mine, anxiety is the worst feeling ever. seriously, i'd rather you stiletto my toe.

but here's the silver lining. i haven't felt anxious for ages. a-a-a-ages. it's taken today to realise that. so, even though things are currently sucking, at least i've been alerted to the fact that life's been treating me well. and (or perhaps "or") i am starting to gain some power over the previously debilitating bitch.

still, piss off dumb arse day.

holy serendipitous batman

2010-01-13T10:00:00.001+11:00

have you read this? it's part of the uber romantic tale of the boy and i. you don't need to read it now but what you do need is to know that back then, for very good reasons, i was all about pseudonyms. mike's was matthew mcconaughey because, my god, that man is gorgeous. which man? both.

anyway, fast forward.

i was duty free shopping at hong kong airport the other day. the other day meaning september. on the shopping list was a new fragrance for mike to add to the 'honey, i'm home' present pile. mike doesn't have 'a' fragrance so the options were endless. i was spraying and sniffing like a coked-up fireman, collecting little strips of cardboard whenever something took my fancy.

but there were just too many scents and i was getting overwhelmed by the choice. i was starting to feel drunk on perfume when i spotted a strikingly handsome bottle across the aisle. i sauntered towards it for the real test. the sniff test.

oh my. it was delicious. while the previous fragrances had begun to blend into each other, this one stood out as something special. i knew it was the one. and that's exactly what it was: the one by d&g. how perfect, i thought. the one. just like mike.

my decision was made.

a few nights ago, mike and i were curled up watching the box when the gorgeous matthew mcconaughey appeared on the screen. it was an ad neither of us had seen. i have mike a cheeky nudge - he is my matthew mcconaughey afterall.

we continued to watch.

so, like i said, holy serendipitous batman. it was such a nice moment. we just laughed. there have been a lot of 'signs' that point towards mike and i being mike and i but this was the icing on the cake.

sure, strong relationships are based on a whole lot more than signs, which i realise many people would sooner call coincidences, but it doesn't make them any less special.

on tele right now is the zumba ad. i prefer matthew.

mind the gap

2010-01-11T09:29:00.001+11:00